The keynote speaker at one seminar I attended made this statement - "We all wear masks". As I pondered on what possible meanings that statement might have, I realised that this is a general summation of humanity. Regardless of whom we are and at different times in our lives, we all wear masks.
What, then, is a mask? Generally speaking, a mask is a covering for the face. It is a covering for part, or all, of the face, worn to conceal a person's identity. It is a grotesque or humorous face worn at carnivals, masquerades, etc. Anything that disguises or conceals (e.g. pretence), is a mask. A person might be hurting badly, and conceal it with a great big smile - Masks! Psychologists say that if a person tells you several times during a conversation "I'm not lying", he usually is lying. Masks!Lots of people have different masks for different days, and perhaps different occasions. Masks are those things that allow us to assume that we are different from other people.
I read an article in Psychology Today titled "The Truth About Lying" written by Peter Doskoch. In it, Peter quoted a study of psychologist and lying expert Bella DePaulo, Ph.D, who had carried out research and concluded that "occasionally a person will insist that he or she can be entirely truthful for three or four weeks. But no one ever succeeds." "Everyday lies are really part of the fabric of social life," says DePaulo, a university professor. He thinks its "because people want to be accepted, and because, sometimes telling things as they actually are, can be damaging to people's hearts and relationships, so people stretch the truth a little, some more often that others." The problem arises though, when the liar starts believing that he is telling the truth. He becomes seriously deluded, while people around him, except him, can see that he is being untruthful, and perhaps, crafty. Usually, it wont be very long before the majority of people discover the masks. While some lies damage relationships and destroy trust, other fibs fulfil important interpersonal functions, like smoothing over awkward situations or protecting fragile egos.
But how often do people lie, and when do they do it? DePaulo and colleagues asked 77 college students and 70 community members to keep a diary detailing each lie THEY told. The students, it turned out, admitted to lying, an average of twice a day, while local residents lied half as often. Among the study's other findings:
* Community members lied in one-fifth of their social interactions; students, one-third.
* Lying was more common in phone calls than in face-to-face chats.
* One lie in seven was discovered--as far as the liars could tell.
* A tenth of the lies were merely exaggerations, while 60 percent were outright deceptions. Most of the rest were subtle lies, often of omission.
* More than 70 percent of liars would tell their lies again.
No one has ever succeeded in telling the absolute truth for three weeks in a row!!! What is it then, that makes lying an attraction, a possibility, or indeed, such a part (or fabric) of social interactions? Wondering about this, I asked a friend from Cork in Ireland.
Everyone operates under Maslow's general pyramid of needs. Masks, therefore, would fall under the need for social acceptance. Maslow postulated that after we are fed, watered, and housed, the need to be socially accepted becomes an urgent basic need. This means that a hungry helpless vagrant does not give a two-penny piece whether you accept him or not. He does not have two pennies to rub together (as the Irish would say). He will eat the crumbs from your table, if you're not too stingy to let any fall. He will sleep in your dog kennel, if your dog is that friendly. He couldn't give hoot who is looking or laughing, as long as he can have something (anything) in his belly, and a corridor to rest his head.
But, why is there the need to be socially accepted? Mask wearing is a social disguise, used effectively by everyone, except the hungry and the destitute. People wear masks to conceal their true identity, to conceal their true emotions, their true feelings. Some people have fixated false smiles, that look like photocopies on thier faces. The smiles are perpetual, it makes you wonder if the people are really that nice. Masks are worn to gain or secure friendships. In these, we all wear masks. Sometimes, mask wearing becomes a necessity because you dont want to tell people the truth about themselves, or yourself. In the books of society's mask wearers (who are usually pompous and arrogant), it's usually a dog eat dog world. When people become afraid to really be themselves around you, you force them to wear masks. Lots of people go to great lengths to secure social acceptance for various reasons, damaging other people's psyche, hearts, emotions and lives in the process, not caring whose ox is gored, swapping their “Jack-the-lad” mask, for giant blood-sucking “draculla” masks.
While discussing people's masks with my very close friend, Richie Dayo Johnson, here's what he said. "Well, if you ask me, I would say, let the dogs eat the dogs in their own world! Stay far away from those who want to tell you where to jump off, and keep running till you find those who will tell you where to jump on!” Even clowns and masquerades who wear masks professionally, have to take them off sometime. If you constantly find yourself around people who want to have you for breakfast, lunch and dinner, keep running, until you reach those who will applaud you. There is that, in everyone, that needs to be celebrated. Noone should be made to wear their masks perpetually.
Regardless of who is taking notes, share jokes with yourself, and laugh out loud until it hurts. Pick a time to laugh, or smile, even in public. Regularly search for something funny about yourself, and laugh at it. When someone tells a joke at your expense, see the funny side of it, and laugh. His job is to laugh at you and to expand your fault. His job is done. Find someone who can help you fix the fault, and go fix it.
Keep learning, and keep improving. Nothing we are today came to us in one day. Nothing we have learnt came to us from birth. I first heard from Dayo that we are all born with two fears – the fear of falling, and the fear from loud bangs. Every other fear we picked up along the way growing up. Everything has been learnt and progressed over time. Nobody has the power or ability to change anybody, except they feel a need, and chose to change by themselves. We are who we were made. Don't wear other people's masks. You don't know what their pain is or who they are trying to impress. A mask is worn by a masquerade - you don't know which face they have on. Enjoy the person you were made, regardless of who is watching.
QNB Yinka Dixon, PhD (hon) is an experienced Educator for more than 40 years, a BookPreneur, Public Interest Journalist, and Life Transitions Coach. A Ministry Leader who is in business to Support 40+ Seniors, Students, Writers, Leaders and Learners to turn their Stories, Faith and Skills into Impact and Income. For being a resilient, encouraging, motivator and coach, her friends call her the Queen of New Beginnings and the Apostle of "Never Give Up"
Here Are Some Things You Must Avoid If You Want Your Business To Succeed
Here Are Some Things You Must Avoid If You Want Your Business To Succeed
There are a number of things you need to be aware of, and ensure never to do once you decide to go into business, if you want to succeed. You are probably aware of these if you already run a successful business. New business owners, however, need to print these tips, like a road map or navigator direction, as they may find them quite helpful.
First, you must never jump into business without doing thorough research, and having a business plan. You must know all the details about the business you are about to delve into. It is very useful to know how your finances will play out. So having a good idea of the financial details always helps. Helpful, also is your knowledge of your competition. As a matter of fact, it is only when you have done your research, and arm yourself with a business plan, that you can claim to be prepared for business. Your business plan is your real insurance and is specific to the business you are embarking on. This is your sure recipe for success. It helps provide you with a guarantee that surprises are limited or eliminated, few months down the road. As a matter of fact, when you have a business plan, if surprises do pop up (as they sometimes will), you are prepared with a back-up plan. A well written business plan makes contingency plans for emergencies and the unforeseen. Your business is like a little baby. It must be nurtured and protected from harsh environmental and adverse social conditions. You should set yourself up so that your business can operate with as little hitch as possible.
Secondly, you must never skimp on advertising. Many people feel that advertising is either too costly, or does not work, so they dont advertise. That is the typical “penny wise, pound foolish” approach. Without proper advertising, your business will be left to chance, and will never have a chance. You will be making big losses in services or product sales. It is customers that make for business success. If you're waiting for people to pass by your shop, you may be wating too long. If you rely on “word of mouth”, you are leaving things to chance. Advertising is a key factor in business success. Take for example, a new and practically unknown small business that sells women's swimming suits, and is now introducing a new product. Of course, they have a website, and so they put a big advertisement in one local newspaper. The only people that will ever get to know about these products are the residents of the “SmallTown Gazzette” locality. A better way for the company would have been to place several small adverts in several, larger newspapers. Billboards also work. Its a good idea, if your business permits it, to have a billboard advertisement which is very visible in a heavily trafficked area. These advertising options may cost more, but you will reach a larger customer base. Without reaching customers, your business will fail.
Lastly, you must never let your guard down with your business competition. It is important to keep ahead of the competition. Always pre-empt the competition. Be one step ahead. If your business has a competitor, you definitely want to be wide awake to their every move. If you run a restaurant, for example, you want to be awarre what is on the menu of the restaurant in your vicinity. You may even go there to order breakfast, lunch and dinner. If they offer sit-ins, then sit-in one day, and take-away on another day. Find out what they do and how they do it. What do they not offer that you could add to yours? Is there a large selection on the menu? What are their prices? Could your prices be less, for more? Competition is healthy. It keeps you on your toes, and ensures your customers get the very best of you. Do they offer any specials or discounts? Aim for the excellence that the best restaurant in the area is offering. Dont go looking for, and pitch yourself against the badly managed one. Customers will buy from you if they have no choice, until they discover a much better, much cheaper option, then they vote with their feet. You want to either match what is offered by the competition, or offer a slightly lower price for a much better service, and much better tasting meal. Customers love to save money, no matter how little, and love to feel important, because they really are.
Dont ever jump into any business without proper research and a business plan. Making an effort to follow the above guidelines on what you must never do in business will keep you on the right track. Your foundation for a solid business success will be created and ensured. Attend to your business as if it is one of your children. Provide what it needs to grow and you will be pleased with the outcome. Make sure that you follow these three tips and watch your business grow.
There are a number of things you need to be aware of, and ensure never to do once you decide to go into business, if you want to succeed. You are probably aware of these if you already run a successful business. New business owners, however, need to print these tips, like a road map or navigator direction, as they may find them quite helpful.
First, you must never jump into business without doing thorough research, and having a business plan. You must know all the details about the business you are about to delve into. It is very useful to know how your finances will play out. So having a good idea of the financial details always helps. Helpful, also is your knowledge of your competition. As a matter of fact, it is only when you have done your research, and arm yourself with a business plan, that you can claim to be prepared for business. Your business plan is your real insurance and is specific to the business you are embarking on. This is your sure recipe for success. It helps provide you with a guarantee that surprises are limited or eliminated, few months down the road. As a matter of fact, when you have a business plan, if surprises do pop up (as they sometimes will), you are prepared with a back-up plan. A well written business plan makes contingency plans for emergencies and the unforeseen. Your business is like a little baby. It must be nurtured and protected from harsh environmental and adverse social conditions. You should set yourself up so that your business can operate with as little hitch as possible.
Secondly, you must never skimp on advertising. Many people feel that advertising is either too costly, or does not work, so they dont advertise. That is the typical “penny wise, pound foolish” approach. Without proper advertising, your business will be left to chance, and will never have a chance. You will be making big losses in services or product sales. It is customers that make for business success. If you're waiting for people to pass by your shop, you may be wating too long. If you rely on “word of mouth”, you are leaving things to chance. Advertising is a key factor in business success. Take for example, a new and practically unknown small business that sells women's swimming suits, and is now introducing a new product. Of course, they have a website, and so they put a big advertisement in one local newspaper. The only people that will ever get to know about these products are the residents of the “SmallTown Gazzette” locality. A better way for the company would have been to place several small adverts in several, larger newspapers. Billboards also work. Its a good idea, if your business permits it, to have a billboard advertisement which is very visible in a heavily trafficked area. These advertising options may cost more, but you will reach a larger customer base. Without reaching customers, your business will fail.
Lastly, you must never let your guard down with your business competition. It is important to keep ahead of the competition. Always pre-empt the competition. Be one step ahead. If your business has a competitor, you definitely want to be wide awake to their every move. If you run a restaurant, for example, you want to be awarre what is on the menu of the restaurant in your vicinity. You may even go there to order breakfast, lunch and dinner. If they offer sit-ins, then sit-in one day, and take-away on another day. Find out what they do and how they do it. What do they not offer that you could add to yours? Is there a large selection on the menu? What are their prices? Could your prices be less, for more? Competition is healthy. It keeps you on your toes, and ensures your customers get the very best of you. Do they offer any specials or discounts? Aim for the excellence that the best restaurant in the area is offering. Dont go looking for, and pitch yourself against the badly managed one. Customers will buy from you if they have no choice, until they discover a much better, much cheaper option, then they vote with their feet. You want to either match what is offered by the competition, or offer a slightly lower price for a much better service, and much better tasting meal. Customers love to save money, no matter how little, and love to feel important, because they really are.
Dont ever jump into any business without proper research and a business plan. Making an effort to follow the above guidelines on what you must never do in business will keep you on the right track. Your foundation for a solid business success will be created and ensured. Attend to your business as if it is one of your children. Provide what it needs to grow and you will be pleased with the outcome. Make sure that you follow these three tips and watch your business grow.
Here are five ways to be rich
Here are five ways to be rich:
- Be born in a rich family
- Marry a Rich person
- Win the Lotto
- Wait for your rich uncle to die
- Earn it yourself
By now, you probably know if you were born in a rich family or not. If you were not born in a rich family, my guess is that it’s already too late for that to happen in your life. Don’t despair, you are in the majority of people in this world, in this regard. The majority of people in the world today, were not born in rich families. Does this, however, mean they have no hope of becoming rich? Yes, if they choose not to be rich. You’re wondering why I said this. Richard Branson, the popular business magnate, Brian Tracy, Jim Rohn, Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, and others too numerous to number, all have stories of lowly beginnings. Well, there are other ways to be rich.
Marry a Rich Person. If you’re married, by now, you should know if your spouse is rich or not. Truth is, most rich people are already spoken for, and the ones that are not, already have their eyes on someone else (which is not likely to be you). If you find one, let me know.
Win the Lotto. Your next option is to win the lotto. That is, assuming you are one of those who play it. Now consider how many people play the lotto each week. That is those who are willing to spend their money, no matter how small, religiously every twice a week!!! You need to ask yourself what number you may be, out of the millions of people who put their money in to play. How many of your friends, family, colleagues, associates, even of your enemies that you know, have won the lotto? What is the probability of your ever winning enough to become as rich as you would like? Someone said “the chances of one winning the lotto is like experiencing a lightening shock twice in your lifetime”.
Another option is to wait for your “rich uncle” to die. The good new news is, that person will die one day. The bad news is, you don’t know when!! The funny thing is, those who are dying are those who are not quite “rich”. The annoying thing is, a lot of “rich uncles” leave their riches to their pet cat or dog. The generous ones might even leave it to some distant relatives you’ve never even heard of. The fact of the matter is that “rich uncles” just don’t exist.
The only viable option available then would be to earn it yourself. Now, you’re probably wondering what I’m talking about. You already work very hard on your regular 9-5 job like every other person!!! That’s not bad, and it’s one option, but it’s been proved that hard work alone has never made anyone rich and job security is a thing of the past. Besides lots of people work very hard, and are not rich. What are you saying, Yinka? Well, do you know about the power of leveraging? What on earth is leveraging? Watch out for my article titled “How To Benefit From The Power of Leveraging”.
Pursuing A Home Business Is A Life Changing Event
Could You Benefit From a Home Based Business?
Several people find themselves "suddenly" at home while other people "go to work". Remaining at home, for whatever reason, can be a traumatic experience if it was not an intentional decision.
In fact, it can be so traumatic that it affects every area of one's relationships - business and social.
The 21st century technology evolution has popularised the "Home Office" and "Home Working" with many ingenious people now working from home. Taking the leap into a home business opportunity can be a true-life changing event, as nearly every aspect of life can be changed for either the good or bad. When making a career change, you have to prepare yourself for its effects. Prior to making the decision to leave a career outside of the home for a home business, one should do some personal reflecting. Speak to family, and extensively review both a personal and business budget. By doing so you are making a plan for the unknown. You can think of it much like creating an emergency plan for yourself. If there is a fire, tornado or flood, you have to have materials to protect and care for yourself and your family. This is similar to making a plan for your needs when entering a home business. Before taking the plunge, it is important to know that there are areas of our lives which are linked together in some way, shape or form and they can all be affected by this change in career.
Family Support Is Crucial
For many people, our families are why we commute to a miserable job, or take on a night shift position and work ourselves silly, until we start to resemble zombies. We want to provide our families with a safe and attractive home, with clothing and food, medical and dental, as well as education needs. If you have a spouse and children this can easily become the driving force of your existence. Knowing that your family is prepared to become team players to help you achieve all of the above with a home business is a topic that must be discussed. Younger children should be made aware that mum or dad needs a quiet workspace and time to focus on the tasks of the business. They need reassurance that you will have time for them, for usual things like playing with them, trips to the shops or just a driving cruise. Conversation about a home business with your family allows everyone to be on the same page and to help keep the family in peace.
Every Business Needs Time To Grow
Have you figured out how much time your new business will require from you? What amount of time will be realistically expected of you to perform all of the duties involved in this career change to make it succeed? Will you have to work late evenings or weekends? Will your schedule conflict with your family life? You are the goose that will lay the golden egg in your family. You must plan your recreation time into your work time. If you don't, you will kill the goose, or send it to the medical centre too many times, and that will certainly affect your business and your plan to feed your family. If you take the time to honestly answer the above questions, it will help you, your family and your business. You may wish to let your family answer the same set of questions as well. Everyone should know what to expect as sudden changes or conflicts can simply make life unpleasant for all.
Personal Freedom At Your Fingertips
Success is sweet when it comes, and gaining the freedom to work for Me Ltd has its rewards. You will be providing yourself with more personal freedom by choosing a home business, though you will have to be prepared to schedule personal and business events in order to create a healthy balance. You don't want to become a workaholic and leave your family lacking in attention. You also do not want to take an excessive amount of personal time and lose focus on business needs. Becoming a stickler for organization can be wise. Use a large calendar to organize events, meetings and so on. You will be able to schedule in time for everything and peace will reign over business and family life.
Savings Must Be In Focus
Businesses can take some time to get off the ground and begin to create a steady income, so savings of some kind should be adequate enough to care for your household needs for a minimum of three months. Once you are sure that your family's needs can be met safely, you can look over any remaining funds to see where you will use them and in what areas of business you wish to apply them. You may want to build a website, and order business cards, these are key points to allow focus on. Business cards are absolutely essential for new businesses, and you must never run out. You may need to speak to your bank or loan officer for monetary assistance. With banks, an overdraft is always better than a loan because there are no charges attached once they are agreed. If what you require is a small loan, then ask for an overdraft, over a long period, like one year. If you are prepared you have a higher rate of success for your business.
Several people find themselves "suddenly" at home while other people "go to work". Remaining at home, for whatever reason, can be a traumatic experience if it was not an intentional decision.
In fact, it can be so traumatic that it affects every area of one's relationships - business and social.
The 21st century technology evolution has popularised the "Home Office" and "Home Working" with many ingenious people now working from home. Taking the leap into a home business opportunity can be a true-life changing event, as nearly every aspect of life can be changed for either the good or bad. When making a career change, you have to prepare yourself for its effects. Prior to making the decision to leave a career outside of the home for a home business, one should do some personal reflecting. Speak to family, and extensively review both a personal and business budget. By doing so you are making a plan for the unknown. You can think of it much like creating an emergency plan for yourself. If there is a fire, tornado or flood, you have to have materials to protect and care for yourself and your family. This is similar to making a plan for your needs when entering a home business. Before taking the plunge, it is important to know that there are areas of our lives which are linked together in some way, shape or form and they can all be affected by this change in career.
Family Support Is Crucial
For many people, our families are why we commute to a miserable job, or take on a night shift position and work ourselves silly, until we start to resemble zombies. We want to provide our families with a safe and attractive home, with clothing and food, medical and dental, as well as education needs. If you have a spouse and children this can easily become the driving force of your existence. Knowing that your family is prepared to become team players to help you achieve all of the above with a home business is a topic that must be discussed. Younger children should be made aware that mum or dad needs a quiet workspace and time to focus on the tasks of the business. They need reassurance that you will have time for them, for usual things like playing with them, trips to the shops or just a driving cruise. Conversation about a home business with your family allows everyone to be on the same page and to help keep the family in peace.
Every Business Needs Time To Grow
Have you figured out how much time your new business will require from you? What amount of time will be realistically expected of you to perform all of the duties involved in this career change to make it succeed? Will you have to work late evenings or weekends? Will your schedule conflict with your family life? You are the goose that will lay the golden egg in your family. You must plan your recreation time into your work time. If you don't, you will kill the goose, or send it to the medical centre too many times, and that will certainly affect your business and your plan to feed your family. If you take the time to honestly answer the above questions, it will help you, your family and your business. You may wish to let your family answer the same set of questions as well. Everyone should know what to expect as sudden changes or conflicts can simply make life unpleasant for all.
Personal Freedom At Your Fingertips
Success is sweet when it comes, and gaining the freedom to work for Me Ltd has its rewards. You will be providing yourself with more personal freedom by choosing a home business, though you will have to be prepared to schedule personal and business events in order to create a healthy balance. You don't want to become a workaholic and leave your family lacking in attention. You also do not want to take an excessive amount of personal time and lose focus on business needs. Becoming a stickler for organization can be wise. Use a large calendar to organize events, meetings and so on. You will be able to schedule in time for everything and peace will reign over business and family life.
Savings Must Be In Focus
Businesses can take some time to get off the ground and begin to create a steady income, so savings of some kind should be adequate enough to care for your household needs for a minimum of three months. Once you are sure that your family's needs can be met safely, you can look over any remaining funds to see where you will use them and in what areas of business you wish to apply them. You may want to build a website, and order business cards, these are key points to allow focus on. Business cards are absolutely essential for new businesses, and you must never run out. You may need to speak to your bank or loan officer for monetary assistance. With banks, an overdraft is always better than a loan because there are no charges attached once they are agreed. If what you require is a small loan, then ask for an overdraft, over a long period, like one year. If you are prepared you have a higher rate of success for your business.
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