When Does the pain end by Yetunde Daramola
When Does the pain end?
by Yetunde Daramola (Odebiyi)I have just come in from one of my many rounds to the supermarket. While waiting at the checkout, an old friend walked up to me. We exchanged pleasantries and then she asked after an old neighbour of mine. I replied saying she had left the neighbourhood following a breakdown of her marriage.
The friend then said to me, “The same thing happened to me and I am still hurting.” I told her that time would heal her. She said she wanted the healing to be tomorrow.
She still appeared deeply hurt and I realise that hurt is spreading around fast. I encouraged her still, saying: “Don’t worry; this time shall pass.” I bet my friend did not really want to hear that. She wanted her pain to just go away. Only a peek into the future to know exactly when the pain would end could have consoled her a bit.
Back to my neighbour who left... Her husband had previously told me that he had seen so many separated or divorced women coping well on their own and that he was sure that his wife would cope too if he left her. A sadist, don’t you think? Hearing him say that, the little respect I had for the man dropped straight down to zero.
Obviously, he had made up his mind to leave anyway and that he did, and in a most dramatic way. He had sent his wife and son on holiday for the summer, picked them from the airport, drove them home and then moved out the same night. “Men are downright callous” I have heard many women say.
Well, the average woman feels that every man bales out in search of variety, greener pastures or whatever you want to call it just as soon as he has had his share of the ‘home cake’.
Before you start getting defensive, I know that sometimes it is the women who pack out of the marriage. Generally speaking, women are more communicative and so it is only their side of the hurt and how it feels that I know. That is the only view I have so far, but I would like to hear from the men too.
Here is my question:
I remember when I was a teenager and my crush ended up going out with someone else. I cried, but my dad said to me, “Don’t worry, with time you will heal . Even if one loses a pet, one still grieves over it".
Back to my neighbour who left... Her husband had previously told me that he had seen so many separated or divorced women coping well on their own and that he was sure that his wife would cope too if he left her. A sadist, don’t you think? Hearing him say that, the little respect I had for the man dropped straight down to zero.
Obviously, he had made up his mind to leave anyway and that he did, and in a most dramatic way. He had sent his wife and son on holiday for the summer, picked them from the airport, drove them home and then moved out the same night. “Men are downright callous” I have heard many women say.
Well, the average woman feels that every man bales out in search of variety, greener pastures or whatever you want to call it just as soon as he has had his share of the ‘home cake’.
Before you start getting defensive, I know that sometimes it is the women who pack out of the marriage. Generally speaking, women are more communicative and so it is only their side of the hurt and how it feels that I know. That is the only view I have so far, but I would like to hear from the men too.
Here is my question:
Following relationship breakdowns - separation, divorce etc - how long does it take to heal? Please let us be true to ourselves and share experiences, albeit anonymously.
I remember when I was a teenager and my crush ended up going out with someone else. I cried, but my dad said to me, “Don’t worry, with time you will heal . Even if one loses a pet, one still grieves over it".
I also remember him saying that even if your flatmate leaves after sharing a flat for a while; one is bound to miss the person. I understand that one cannot compare a marriage (with or without children) to a crush, but the fact remains that someone you once loved or had feelings for has moved on.
But really, how long does it take for hurt folks to heal.?
A few books I have read say that 18 months is the grieving time and after that the mind heals a bit? Is that true for you?
But really, how long does it take for hurt folks to heal.?
A few books I have read say that 18 months is the grieving time and after that the mind heals a bit? Is that true for you?
I have also read that when relationships between unmarried people break down, it is best not to start another relationship for 18 months as anything earlier would be on the rebound. Has this worked with you too?
Being in Christ makes everything easier to manage, but still, when does the pain end?
Once again, all views male and female are welcome, albeit anonymously and feel free to share with others.
Yetunde Daramola (Yetunde Odebiyi)
www.yetundedaramola.com
This article was first published on Facebook by Yetunde Odebiyi on Wednesday, 24 February 2010 at 18:20
Being in Christ makes everything easier to manage, but still, when does the pain end?
Once again, all views male and female are welcome, albeit anonymously and feel free to share with others.
Yetunde Daramola (Yetunde Odebiyi)
www.yetundedaramola.com
Published
23 November 2012
This article was first published on Facebook by Yetunde Odebiyi on Wednesday, 24 February 2010 at 18:20
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