The Feelings of Grief in Divorce

The Feelings of Grief in Divorce.

 

Many people remain in dead marriages using the children as excuse for a disjointed relationship in which the battle lines are drawn fiercely and ferociously. To say the least, it is unfair on the children for parents to bring them up in war zones, or to use them as pawns during bitter long drawn out exchanges of verbal and, sometimes physical fire power. Once the love for the children becomes the priority, sometimes, divorce becomes inevitable. The realization of this ushers in a lot of grief.

When asked to describe what people feel when going through the process of divorce, some would call it a “deep sadness”, while some call it a “heavy sorrow”. Whichever way it is described, grief is unbearable, monumental, devastating, and a sometimes wearying process. Grief is usually caused by a loss of some sort, (usually of someone loved), especially in the case of divorce, relationship break-up, or death. Sometimes, grief may be caused by loss of a home or job, or something less severe, like position or community respect. And grief is sometimes so overwhelmingly unbearable that some people consider suicide. Grief cannot be avoided in divorce, as the two major parties to the relationship systematically tear apart what they have built over several years. They tear at each other, and at what once was a loving, close, bonded, intimate and significant relationship. Divorce may signify the death of a relationship, but the actual relationship is never really dead, especially when children are involved.

People grieving their dead have some sort of “closure” because of the funeral services. Funerals provide a mechanism for the bereaved to understand the permanent or terminal end of the relationship. Unfortunately, there are no funeral services for divorce, making the grieving process a prolonged and complicated process, and even though the relationship is ended, it is still, usually kept alight in some sort of crippled manner. Although divorce is not as final as a funeral, there is a big difference between separation and divorce. A separation may last 10 years and the marriage may even be “dead” 15 or 20 years, as they say, “It ain’t over until it’s over”. So, the day that is set for divorce does one significant thing in the lives of both parties, it sets in motion the process where one can put their lives back in order.



The day of divorce allows some basic questions to be answered. One learns what financial settlement (if any), will be granted, and as a result, one can determine what kind of housing one can afford, who will get primary custody of the children, and what visitation arrangement can be put in place. Not many people leave court feeling that their solicitor did a good job, but once the judgement has been made, the marriage is legally terminated, and there appears a more recognizable future for both parties. Some of the madness stops, and things become more certain and get under slightly better control. This is the day that sets in stone, the legal status of the marriage, even if there are several ongoing battles that continue into months, or even years. People have different ways of dealing with different issues, and not everyone will grieve in the same way. Everyone’s style is unique based on strength of personality, self esteem, personal insight, support form friends and family, spiritual inclination etc.

However, even though everyone has a different style and the individual grieving process is unique, there is still a predictable cycle of feelings, which will eventually end. The pattern of cycle of grief begins with Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and ends in a new wholesomeness. So, even if right now, you are riding on the worst or most bizarre emotional roller coaster you can ever imagine, be sure to know that one day you will be normal again. No storm lasts forever. This too, shall pass. The feelings you experience may not be “contained”, or logical, or predictable. Sometimes you may feel hopeless, helpless, sad, or lonely. At other times your feelings will be hatred, deep anger, bitterness or even, vindictiveness. In the daytime, you may feel fear or even terror, and then at night feel calm and normal again. Your feelings will be on very high roller coaster, fluctuating greatly even to very low levels. However, because grief follows a definite progressive pattern and no stage lasts forever, understanding the pattern is likely to provide you with some degree of hope.

This article was first published on my blog at www.yinkadixon.blogspot.com on Thursday 23 September 2010.

Successful screening of 'ÌMÁLÀ' (The triumph of Wisdom) in Ireland

Successful screening of 'ÌMÁLÀ' (The triumph of Wisdom) in Ireland

by Yinka Dixon-Oludiaiye
Publisher: BECKY
CEO: Corporate Phases

The success story called 'ÌMÁLÀ' (The triumph of Wisdom) continues to be told. All roads led to the Plaza Hotel in Dublin, Ireland’s, Tyrellstown, on Friday 26th November, where the Movie premier was screened in Ireland for the first time. The movie screening which was presented by Matrix Entertainment Ltd and Ddymensions, saw several UK and Nigerian based Entertainment and Media personalities reunite with their Ireland based friends. After the screening, a question and answer session allowed for audience interaction and essential feedback for the benefit of the actors and directors. There was an initial photo call of Nollywood actors with business people and some fans.
ÌMÁLÀ has a simple but fantastic plot, creatively contrived, and deliberately woven into many real life complexities by the story’s author and Producer, Mr Abidemi Alaran, a writer, actor, film maker and Master of Ceremonies. Based on a true story, the plot takes the audience to different levels of emotional outbursts, with several interjections of laughter, side comments, arguments and even tears. Shrouded in several moments of mystery and suspense, the movie presents itself as educative, informational and entertaining. Set in a time, not too far away (2008), the story uses flashbacks as a very creative tool, bringing its audience to the beginning, the middle and the end of the story. The movie uses social, political and religious signposting, to bring into the consciousness of its audience, events in the country at the time of this incident.

Set in the village of IMALA in Ogun State of Nigeria, West Africa, and told in the Yoruba language (one of the three major languages of that country), the movie is sub-titled in English, though many intricate aspects of language is usually lost in translation. Conversations were drowned many times in poor audio output, and there was excessive use of ovation software. The sub-titling could also have benefitted from a bit of adequate language editing, and the pregnancy prop, made more believable. However, not once did the audience hear spiritual incantations, or aggravated commotion, excessive and noisy fighting or ubiquitous and pointlessly annoying swearing. The storyline is a complete departure from the usual fetish and noise-making that characterises the generality of African movies, giving the impression that many more good movies are about to explode out of Africa.

The title, 'ÌMÁLÀ', is a Nigerian phrase, derived from three words “Imo A La”, indicating the appearance of wisdom. This movie is a triumphant victim story of girl-meets-boy and becomes pregnant, of confusion, miscommunication, and hardship that eventually, ended in a happily-ever-after. It told the story of a young ambitious man (Bankole), living under the very watchful eagle eye of his uncle, a very devout church reverend to pursue his further education, met and fell in love with Segilola, an innocent secondary school girl. Segilola takes teen pregnancy, which is often a challenge that many homes face, as its main theme and explores the numerous challenges a girl faces, in the determination to correct her path in life as a teenage mother.

The movie centres on the story of Segilola a teenager who fell in love with Bankole, a 27-year old graduate. Segilola's naivety and lack of sex education put her in a life and career threatening situation. She was rejected and had to chart a new course for herself completely impervious of life's challenges. Sixteen years later, she is still trying to mend a situation that happened in complete innocence. The movie, which was directed by Andy Amenechi, sought to make the point that there are "no shortcut prescriptions" to matters of sex.

This "must watch" story is neatly and tastefully put together. From an educational point of view, the movie brings to light how young people receive little or no sexual education and are sometimes left with the resulting trauma and heartaches. While highlighting the risks of sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and unsafe abortion, ÌMÁLÀ significantly provokes much thought, discussion and debate, and depicts the gaping relationship crisis of our times, and how a girl’s life can easily go wrong. The well-meaning movie Director allowed the story to have a "happy-ever-after" ending, but many life stories do not actually end this way, leaving many career women as single mothers.

In conclusion, there are many lessons to be learnt which will enhance the education of young people (and adults) as far as sex, health and relationships are concerned. BECKY congratulates the directors, cast and crew of the movie for a job well done and recommends 'ÌMÁLÀ' (The Triumph of Wisdom), to everyone in every society and every culture.


Yinka Dixon - CMI Journalism Graduate Launches Magazine

Senator Mark Deary launches Becky Magazine, 29 October 2010

Anything is possible !! 
- CMI Journalism Graduate 
Launches Magazine 
- 29 October 2010

Bunmi Salako, Senator Mark Deary of Green Party, Yinka Dixon, Sina Salaam

Yinka Dixon, a recent graduate from the CMI Journalism course, prooves anything truly is possible when you set your mind to it.

A passionate and top student at CMI, Yinka has launched the first edition of her magazine 'Becky'.



The magazine creates a balance in appeal for people of all cultures and offers a very positive philosophy of how to live life to the fullest.

Yinka was propelled by great enthusiasm, and empowered by a CMI Journalism Diploma, to start BECKY magazine (a female focused publication).

Becky Magazine

FIRST, THEY CAME FOR THE COMMUNISTS...

"An event has happened, upon which it is difficult to speak, and impossible to be silent." (~Edmund Burke)

"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. THEN THEY CAME for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. THEN THEY CAME for me, and by that time, no one was left to speak up." (~Pastor Martin Niemöller)

An ardent nationalist and prominent Protestant pastor, Martin Niemöller (1892-1984) emerged as an outspoken public foe of Adolf Hitler and spent the last 7 years of Nazi rule in concentration camps. He is probably best remembered for the above quotation. The quotation is taken from his lectures during the early post-war period. There are different versions of the quotation, which are attributable to the fact that Niemöller spoke extemporaneously and in a number of settings. There is a lot of controversy about the content of the poem, because it has been printed in several varying forms, as referring to alternating groups such as Catholics, Jehovah's Witnesses, Jews, Trade Unionists or Communists depending on the version. Nevertheless, his point was that Germans, (and particularly, he believed, the leaders of the Protestant churches) had been complicit because of their conspiracy of silence in the Nazi imprisonment, persecution, and murder of millions of people. Edmund Burke said: "All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing."

When people in privileged authority, who should stand up for truth and justice, consistently become arrogant, vain and self-serving, with the deliberate aim of attaining aggravated positions of lordship over others, bordering on militant indiscretion, they lose their salt, their value or their worth. Their substance continues to diminish in the sights of those to whom they are called to serve. Vain-glory and pomposity become the order of the day. The sad fact, is that an increasing number of members of the revered White Collar profession, the “Men of God”, of “standing and repute”; the “timbers and juggernauts” of acclaimed spiritual “calling”, people with responsibility for the lives of millions of souls, people who should speak up or speak out, continue to troop (or troupe) into the “Corridors of Power” in a sad show of shame, seeking cheap popularity and false accreditation. "The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men." (~Plato)

Yet, some of them decry some of those who stand openly towards an indication for necessary change. Change does not come in an instant, but by contributions from all necessary credible angles. They say “those who stand for nothing will fall for anything” (my paraphrase). Yet, many say they stand for “something”, except that, beyond the opportunity of personal self-importance and financial gratification, one would need a giant magnifying glass to determine which side they really fall with. I guess many will fall on the side where their bread is buttered, perhaps understandable, when they do so quietly. Stephen King said "It's better to be good than evil, but one achieves goodness at a terrific cost."

Rather than stand up for truth and justice, many with voice and opportunity seek to color the truth for personal gratification, proclaiming a “form of justice”. Many people have turned themselves into accusers and judges, telling old wives tales, and stories that hug lies. I assume that the audience and electorate are also to blame in a way, because many seem to have itching ears, choosing rather to believe lies and fantastic fabrications, than facts. Perhaps it is true that facts can be boring. The good book of Christians directly instructs people to “buy the truth, and sell it not”. I once asked my dad, why he always bought four or five morning newspapers. He told me that to get the fact you need to read the account of more than one reporter, because not one person has “an angle” on the “truth”. There are always two sides to every story.

Between 1950 and 1954, Milton Mayer interviewed a German professor in "Kronenburg" (probably Mainz--its population was about 42,000 at the time), and then wrote a book titled, They Thought They Were Free: The Germans, 1933-45 (Chicago: Univ. of Chicago Press, 1955, 1966), p. 168f, in which he quotes the professor as saying the following:

"Pastor Martin Niemöller spoke for thousands and thousands of men like me when he spoke (too modestly of himself) and said that, when the Nazis attacked the Communists, he was a little uneasy, but, after all, he was not a Communist, and so he did nothing; and then they attacked the Socialists, and he was a little uneasier, but, still, he was not a Socialist, and he did nothing; and then the schools, the press, the Jews, and so on, and he was always uneasier, but still he did nothing. And then they attacked the Church, and he was a Churchman, and he did something--but then it was too late."

"When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle." (~Edmund Burke)

A man in the Christian Holy Bible, named James once said “Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of his brother, and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law, and judges the law: but if you judge the law, you are no longer a doer of the law, but a judge. There is only one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: Who are you, that you judge someone else? CLEAR OFF now, you that say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there for one year, and buy and sell and make profit: Whereas YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHALL BE on the morrow. For WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? It is even a vapor that appears for a wee while (a brief moment), and then vanishes (like a puff of smoke). BECAUSE OF THIS, YOU SHOULD SAY, “If it pleases the Lord, we shall live, and do this, or do that”. But instead of this, YOU REJOICE in your boasting: ALL SUCH rejoicing is evil. Therefore to him that knows to do good and does it not, to him it is sin”. (James 4 verses 11-17 (my paraphrase).

"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." (~Albert Einstein)

How Much Sex Is Too Much Sex?

So, How Much Sex Is Too Much Sex?

This question came up many years ago during a conversation about marital sex. 

 

A couple in relationship stress were with friends, when the man suddenly said “I like sex more than my wife”. All eyes stayed with him a few moments, and then, as if choreographed, all together turned to the wife. She meekly said “I can’t satisfy my husband, because he likes too much sex”. Again, as if rehearsed, all eyes looked to the floor for another few moments, before, one by one, gently, carefully, coming back up. No-one could look at either of them. No-one wanted to be accused of taking sides.

Who has been schooled enough in the area of handling marital relationships? Those with professional counselling skills know that this is the make or break point in most relationships, and needs to be handled with absolute caution. Many relationships are sick and on the verge of collapse because the protagonists in the marriage cannot speak about the real issues. Instead, counsellors are lumbered with hours of accusations that almost bother on witch-hunts, such as “he didn’t take out the bin three times in a row”; “she burnt my favourite food”. The list is endless. The real issue started hours ago, in the bedroom. Many people were brought up in a way that does not encourage talking about these issues. They get married because they claim to love each other, and proclaim their love for one another before many witnesses.

On the other hand, some people feel that they should live together first before determining if they are “right” for one another. Common Law arrangements have all the stress and problems of real marriages, without all the benefits. I always ask myself why anyone would want to go for a “Test Marriage”, especially the women. People have been conned, for too long, that marriage has no benefits, until you try it out first. So, what if you try it out, and you don’t like it? Does that erase the years you spent together as ordinary “partners”? That’s another word I like very much “partnerships” because of the business profitability angle. Do “test marriages work like “business partnerships”? A sort of “You bring, I bring: We share the profits”, kind of arrangement? If so, where is the “test” in that? After all the bible says there is “that, which every joint supplies” referring to the anatomy of the human being. Take the right arm for instance. Joined at the shoulder with the rest of the body, and at the elbow to the forearm, it is joined at the wrist to the hand, which normally has five fingers.

A business partnership assumes that each partner is good at “something”, and supplies “some degree of value” to the relationship, like our right arm. Now, imagine if the elbow says to the upper arm, “I really like you very much, but let’s just stay together for now and see if our relationship will work”. If it doesn’t work five years later, I will drop off, and you can go your own way.” Now, that would be something, wouldn’t it? Otherwise, imagine going into a brand new car showroom, and asking for a “test drive”. Five years later, three children and many photographs down the road, you abandon the car on the road, and tell the dealer, “sorry, here are your keys. We are just not compatible. That car has given me too much problems”; “he is always attracting too many women”; “she doesn’t like my mother”. Ah! Get with the program, please. Make up your mind. If a woman is good enough to have your children, she is good enough to marry.

OK, that was a diversion. How much sex is too much sex? Our couple were waiting for a response from all the wise men and women in the room. Suddenly, in about the same time it took you to read the above, the most elderly of the men in the room asked the question. “How much sex is too much sex”? Directed at no-one in particular, I guess the question hit everyone like a bombshell, because I saw every eye go back to the floor, and for a good while, no-one attempted to look up. Suddenly, the woman ventured a weak reply. “Well”, she said slowly, and brought all eyes back up. “I guess there is really nothing like “too much sex” if you are allowed to enjoy the process.” Again, all eyes went to the ground. There must be something on that carpet that attracts so much attention!

Many women are forgiving in other areas of a relationship, but when hurt during sexual encounters, they go for broke. They won’t say what is really biting them, because there is still that compelling need to protect the man’s ego. A wise man in a relationship needs to work more on the area of marital sex. 

This is not about using Viagra for dexterity. There is a certain gentility and finesse that conjures a loving attitude, which, if learned by both sexes, has the capacity to reduce the tensions in relationships. Sex education has been prominently omitted from the learning experiences of people, creating the majority of stress related and mental health symptoms we have in the world today. 

 

Every relationship is unique, because the people involved are unique. If you are sexually related to someone and are hoping for a lasting relationship, then you need to find out, how much sex is too much sex?

 

Yinka Dixon writes from Dublin, Ireland

autumn, winter, spring, summer - the new dawn

autumn, winter, spring, summer - the new dawn

Here's for all who stood by me in autumn.
things looked so bad, they didn't know how much...
Here's for all those who got me through winter,
hungry and lonely, they brought a gift in love...
It's for all those who came in spring
who saw a flicker, and held on to hope...

Many of these made me laugh,
looking into my court, and seeing beauty...
some came, and made me cry,
they saw withered grass, and helpless little me...
Others couldn't give a hoot,
Strolling by, a shrug, a wince, and a "what-could-i-do?"

The night's over, the dawn breaks..
This is it, folks. this is really it!
But not to die.
Winter's over, Spring is here.
This season of hope, and radiance
brings with it summer, sunshine and song!!!

Wishing you all
a happy new year...

© Yinka Dixon-Oludaiye, 31 December 2009 (2:02 GMT)
© All rights reserved. copyright intentional.
Please use freely, but do acknowledge.

We All Wear Masks

The keynote speaker at one seminar I attended made this statement - "We all wear masks". As I pondered on what possible meanings that statement might have, I realised that this is a general summation of humanity. Regardless of whom we are and at different times in our lives, we all wear masks.

What, then, is a mask? Generally speaking, a mask is a covering for the face. It is a covering for part, or all, of the face, worn to conceal a person's identity. It is a grotesque or humorous face worn at carnivals, masquerades, etc. Anything that disguises or conceals (e.g. pretence), is a mask. A person might be hurting badly, and conceal it with a great big smile - Masks! Psychologists say that if a person tells you several times during a conversation "I'm not lying", he usually is lying. Masks!Lots of people have different masks for different days, and perhaps different occasions. Masks are those things that allow us to assume that we are different from other people.

I read an article in Psychology Today titled "The Truth About Lying" written by Peter Doskoch. In it, Peter quoted a study of psychologist and lying expert Bella DePaulo, Ph.D, who had carried out research and concluded that "occasionally a person will insist that he or she can be entirely truthful for three or four weeks. But no one ever succeeds." "Everyday lies are really part of the fabric of social life," says DePaulo, a university professor. He thinks its "because people want to be accepted, and because, sometimes telling things as they actually are, can be damaging to people's hearts and relationships, so people stretch the truth a little, some more often that others." The problem arises though, when the liar starts believing that he is telling the truth. He becomes seriously deluded, while people around him, except him, can see that he is being untruthful, and perhaps, crafty. Usually, it wont be very long before the majority of people discover the masks. While some lies damage relationships and destroy trust, other fibs fulfil important interpersonal functions, like smoothing over awkward situations or protecting fragile egos.

But how often do people lie, and when do they do it? DePaulo and colleagues asked 77 college students and 70 community members to keep a diary detailing each lie THEY told. The students, it turned out, admitted to lying, an average of twice a day, while local residents lied half as often. Among the study's other findings:

* Community members lied in one-fifth of their social interactions; students, one-third.
* Lying was more common in phone calls than in face-to-face chats.
* One lie in seven was discovered--as far as the liars could tell.
* A tenth of the lies were merely exaggerations, while 60 percent were outright deceptions. Most of the rest were subtle lies, often of omission.
* More than 70 percent of liars would tell their lies again.

No one has ever succeeded in telling the absolute truth for three weeks in a row!!! What is it then, that makes lying an attraction, a possibility, or indeed, such a part (or fabric) of social interactions? Wondering about this, I asked a friend from Cork in Ireland.

Everyone operates under Maslow's general pyramid of needs. Masks, therefore, would fall under the need for social acceptance. Maslow postulated that after we are fed, watered, and housed, the need to be socially accepted becomes an urgent basic need. This means that a hungry helpless vagrant does not give a two-penny piece whether you accept him or not. He does not have two pennies to rub together (as the Irish would say). He will eat the crumbs from your table, if you're not too stingy to let any fall. He will sleep in your dog kennel, if your dog is that friendly. He couldn't give hoot who is looking or laughing, as long as he can have something (anything) in his belly, and a corridor to rest his head.

But, why is there the need to be socially accepted? Mask wearing is a social disguise, used effectively by everyone, except the hungry and the destitute. People wear masks to conceal their true identity, to conceal their true emotions, their true feelings. Some people have fixated false smiles, that look like photocopies on thier faces. The smiles are perpetual, it makes you wonder if the people are really that nice. Masks are worn to gain or secure friendships. In these, we all wear masks. Sometimes, mask wearing becomes a necessity because you dont want to tell people the truth about themselves, or yourself. In the books of society's mask wearers (who are usually pompous and arrogant), it's usually a dog eat dog world. When people become afraid to really be themselves around you, you force them to wear masks. Lots of people go to great lengths to secure social acceptance for various reasons, damaging other people's psyche, hearts, emotions and lives in the process, not caring whose ox is gored, swapping their “Jack-the-lad” mask, for giant blood-sucking “draculla” masks.

While discussing people's masks with my very close friend, Richie Dayo Johnson, here's what he said. "Well, if you ask me, I would say, let the dogs eat the dogs in their own world! Stay far away from those who want to tell you where to jump off, and keep running till you find those who will tell you where to jump on!” Even clowns and masquerades who wear masks professionally, have to take them off sometime. If you constantly find yourself around people who want to have you for breakfast, lunch and dinner, keep running, until you reach those who will applaud you. There is that, in everyone, that needs to be celebrated. Noone should be made to wear their masks perpetually.

Regardless of who is taking notes, share jokes with yourself, and laugh out loud until it hurts. Pick a time to laugh, or smile, even in public. Regularly search for something funny about yourself, and laugh at it. When someone tells a joke at your expense, see the funny side of it, and laugh. His job is to laugh at you and to expand your fault. His job is done. Find someone who can help you fix the fault, and go fix it.

Keep learning, and keep improving. Nothing we are today came to us in one day. Nothing we have learnt came to us from birth. I first heard from Dayo that we are all born with two fears – the fear of falling, and the fear from loud bangs. Every other fear we picked up along the way growing up. Everything has been learnt and progressed over time. Nobody has the power or ability to change anybody, except they feel a need, and chose to change by themselves. We are who we were made. Don't wear other people's masks. You don't know what their pain is or who they are trying to impress. A mask is worn by a masquerade - you don't know which face they have on. Enjoy the person you were made, regardless of who is watching.

Here Are Some Things You Must Avoid If You Want Your Business To Succeed

Here Are Some Things You Must Avoid If You Want Your Business To Succeed

There are a number of things you need to be aware of, and ensure never to do once you decide to go into business, if you want to succeed. You are probably aware of these if you already run a successful business. New business owners, however, need to print these tips, like a road map or navigator direction, as they may find them quite helpful.

First, you must never jump into business without doing thorough research, and having a business plan. You must know all the details about the business you are about to delve into. It is very useful to know how your finances will play out. So having a good idea of the financial details always helps. Helpful, also is your knowledge of your competition. As a matter of fact, it is only when you have done your research, and arm yourself with a business plan, that you can claim to be prepared for business. Your business plan is your real insurance and is specific to the business you are embarking on. This is your sure recipe for success. It helps provide you with a guarantee that surprises are limited or eliminated, few months down the road. As a matter of fact, when you have a business plan, if surprises do pop up (as they sometimes will), you are prepared with a back-up plan. A well written business plan makes contingency plans for emergencies and the unforeseen. Your business is like a little baby. It must be nurtured and protected from harsh environmental and adverse social conditions. You should set yourself up so that your business can operate with as little hitch as possible.

Secondly, you must never skimp on advertising. Many people feel that advertising is either too costly, or does not work, so they dont advertise. That is the typical “penny wise, pound foolish” approach. Without proper advertising, your business will be left to chance, and will never have a chance. You will be making big losses in services or product sales. It is customers that make for business success. If you're waiting for people to pass by your shop, you may be wating too long. If you rely on “word of mouth”, you are leaving things to chance. Advertising is a key factor in business success. Take for example, a new and practically unknown small business that sells women's swimming suits, and is now introducing a new product. Of course, they have a website, and so they put a big advertisement in one local newspaper. The only people that will ever get to know about these products are the residents of the “SmallTown Gazzette” locality. A better way for the company would have been to place several small adverts in several, larger newspapers. Billboards also work. Its a good idea, if your business permits it, to have a billboard advertisement which is very visible in a heavily trafficked area. These advertising options may cost more, but you will reach a larger customer base. Without reaching customers, your business will fail.

Lastly, you must never let your guard down with your business competition. It is important to keep ahead of the competition. Always pre-empt the competition. Be one step ahead. If your business has a competitor, you definitely want to be wide awake to their every move. If you run a restaurant, for example, you want to be awarre what is on the menu of the restaurant in your vicinity. You may even go there to order breakfast, lunch and dinner. If they offer sit-ins, then sit-in one day, and take-away on another day. Find out what they do and how they do it. What do they not offer that you could add to yours? Is there a large selection on the menu? What are their prices? Could your prices be less, for more? Competition is healthy. It keeps you on your toes, and ensures your customers get the very best of you. Do they offer any specials or discounts? Aim for the excellence that the best restaurant in the area is offering. Dont go looking for, and pitch yourself against the badly managed one. Customers will buy from you if they have no choice, until they discover a much better, much cheaper option, then they vote with their feet. You want to either match what is offered by the competition, or offer a slightly lower price for a much better service, and much better tasting meal. Customers love to save money, no matter how little, and love to feel important, because they really are.

Dont ever jump into any business without proper research and a business plan. Making an effort to follow the above guidelines on what you must never do in business will keep you on the right track. Your foundation for a solid business success will be created and ensured. Attend to your business as if it is one of your children. Provide what it needs to grow and you will be pleased with the outcome. Make sure that you follow these three tips and watch your business grow.

Here are five ways to be rich

Here are five ways to be rich:

• Be born in a rich family
• Marry a Rich person
• Win the Lotto
• Wait for your rich uncle to die
• Earn it yourself

By now, you probably know if you were born in a rich family or not. If you were not born in a rich family, my guess is that it’s already too late for that to happen in your life. Don’t despair, you are in the majority of people in this world, in this regard. The majority of people in the world today, were not born in rich families. Does this, however, mean they have no hope of becoming rich? Yes, if they choose not to be rich. You’re wondering why I said this. Richard Branson, the popular business magnate, Brian Tracy, Jim Rohn, Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, and others too numerous to number, all have stories of lowly beginnings. Well, there are other ways to be rich.
Marry a Rich Person. If you’re married, by now, you should know if your spouse is rich or not. Truth is, most rich people are already spoken for, and the ones that are not, already have their eyes on someone else (which is not likely to be you). If you find one, let me know.

Win the Lotto. Your next option is to win the lotto. That is, assuming you are one of those who play it. Now consider how many people play the lotto each week. That is those who are willing to spend their money, no matter how small, religiously every twice a week!!! You need to ask yourself what number you may be, out of the millions of people who put their money in to play. How many of your friends, family, colleagues, associates, even of your enemies that you know, have won the lotto? What is the probability of your ever winning enough to become as rich as you would like? Someone said “the chances of one winning the lotto is like experiencing a lightening shock twice in your lifetime”.

Another option is to wait for your “rich uncle” to die. The good new news is, that person will die one day. The bad news is, you don’t know when!! The funny thing is, those who are dying are those who are not quite “rich”. The annoying thing is, a lot of “rich uncles” leave their riches to their pet cat or dog. The generous ones might even leave it to some distant relatives you’ve never even heard of. The fact of the matter is that “rich uncles” just don’t exist.

The only viable option available then would be to earn it yourself. Now, you’re probably wondering what I’m talking about. You already work very hard on your regular 9-5 job like every other person!!! That’s not bad, and it’s one option, but it’s been proved that hard work alone has never made anyone rich and job security is a thing of the past. Besides lots of people work very hard, and are not rich. What are you saying, Yinka? Well, do you know about the power of leveraging? What on earth is leveraging? Watch out for my article titled “How To Benefit From The Power of Leveraging”.

Pursuing A Home Business Is A Life Changing Event

Could You Benefit From a Home Based Business?

Several people find themselves "suddenly" at home while other people "go to work". Remaining at home, for whatever reason, can be a traumatic experience if it was not an intentional decision.
In fact, it can be so traumatic that it affects every area of one's relationships - business and social.

The 21st century technology evolution has popularised the "Home Office" and "Home Working" with many ingenious people now working from home. Taking the leap into a home business opportunity can be a true-life changing event, as nearly every aspect of life can be changed for either the good or bad. When making a career change, you have to prepare yourself for its effects. Prior to making the decision to leave a career outside of the home for a home business, one should do some personal reflecting. Speak to family, and extensively review both a personal and business budget. By doing so you are making a plan for the unknown. You can think of it much like creating an emergency plan for yourself. If there is a fire, tornado or flood, you have to have materials to protect and care for yourself and your family. This is similar to making a plan for your needs when entering a home business. Before taking the plunge, it is important to know that there are areas of our lives which are linked together in some way, shape or form and they can all be affected by this change in career.

Family Support Is Crucial

For many people, our families are why we commute to a miserable job, or take on a night shift position and work ourselves silly, until we start to resemble zombies. We want to provide our families with a safe and attractive home, with clothing and food, medical and dental, as well as education needs. If you have a spouse and children this can easily become the driving force of your existence. Knowing that your family is prepared to become team players to help you achieve all of the above with a home business is a topic that must be discussed. Younger children should be made aware that mum or dad needs a quiet workspace and time to focus on the tasks of the business. They need reassurance that you will have time for them, for usual things like playing with them, trips to the shops or just a driving cruise. Conversation about a home business with your family allows everyone to be on the same page and to help keep the family in peace.

Every Business Needs Time To Grow

Have you figured out how much time your new business will require from you? What amount of time will be realistically expected of you to perform all of the duties involved in this career change to make it succeed? Will you have to work late evenings or weekends? Will your schedule conflict with your family life? You are the goose that will lay the golden egg in your family. You must plan your recreation time into your work time. If you don't, you will kill the goose, or send it to the medical centre too many times, and that will certainly affect your business and your plan to feed your family. If you take the time to honestly answer the above questions, it will help you, your family and your business. You may wish to let your family answer the same set of questions as well. Everyone should know what to expect as sudden changes or conflicts can simply make life unpleasant for all.

Personal Freedom At Your Fingertips

Success is sweet when it comes, and gaining the freedom to work for Me Ltd has its rewards. You will be providing yourself with more personal freedom by choosing a home business, though you will have to be prepared to schedule personal and business events in order to create a healthy balance. You don't want to become a workaholic and leave your family lacking in attention. You also do not want to take an excessive amount of personal time and lose focus on business needs. Becoming a stickler for organization can be wise. Use a large calendar to organize events, meetings and so on. You will be able to schedule in time for everything and peace will reign over business and family life.

Savings Must Be In Focus

Businesses can take some time to get off the ground and begin to create a steady income, so savings of some kind should be adequate enough to care for your household needs for a minimum of three months. Once you are sure that your family's needs can be met safely, you can look over any remaining funds to see where you will use them and in what areas of business you wish to apply them. You may want to build a website, and order business cards, these are key points to allow focus on. Business cards are absolutely essential for new businesses, and you must never run out. You may need to speak to your bank or loan officer for monetary assistance. With banks, an overdraft is always better than a loan because there are no charges attached once they are agreed. If what you require is a small loan, then ask for an overdraft, over a long period, like one year. If you are prepared you have a higher rate of success for your business.