Nigeria Senator versus Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan: A Test Case for Nigeria’s Commitment to Gender Justice

Nigeria Senator versus Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan: A Test Case for Nigeria’s Commitment to Gender Justice 

Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan on 2025 International Womens Day 

Will Nigeria’s Senate #AccelerateAction for Women or Silence Them?

💥 Or will they continue to set us back? 

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A Woman Speaks. They Silence Her.

📌 They take away her salary.
📌 They revoke her security.
📌 They lock her office.
📌 They cut off her staff’s pay.
📌 And they tell her: ‘Apologize, or be erased.’

This is not just about politics.
This is not just about one senator.
This is a dangerous test case for ALL women in leadership.

On International Women's Day 2025, the world is calling for urgent progress to #AccelerateAction for gender equality. But in Nigeria, the Senate is pushing women backward by silencing, punishing, and financially crippling a female senator who dared to speak.

🚨 Today, we must ask - who’s next? 

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🔎 What Happened to Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan?

Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan is a lawyer, barrister, social entrepreneur, and the first female senator from Kogi State.

She has been suspended for six months by the Nigerian Senate. But this is not just a routine political issue—this is retaliation and suppression of women’s voices in leadership.

💥 Her “offense”? Speaking up.
💥 Her punishment? Total exclusion from the Senate—without pay.

The official reason given for her suspension?
📌 She accused the Senate President of sexual harassment.
📌 She was suddenly demoted to a “backbencher” without reason.
📌 She challenged this demotion publicly.

Her real crime? Daring to challenge power.

🚨 As part of the suspension, the Senate has:

• Revoked her salary and allowances.
• Withdrawn her security details.
• Locked her office.
• Stopped salaries for her aides.
• Banned her from accessing the National Assembly.

🔴 They want to break her. They want to erase her. But we will not let that happen.

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🚨 A Senate That Punishes Courage?

If a sitting female senator—with all her education, legal credentials, and public support—can be exiled and financially punished for speaking up, then what does this mean for:

🔹 A female civil servant facing workplace harassment?
🔹 A young female lawyer fighting for fairness in a male-dominated courtroom?
🔹 A university student who reports abuse but is told to "keep quiet"?
🔹 A mother who teaches her daughter to be courageous, only for society to punish her bravery?

🚨 If they get away with punishing Natasha today, no woman in leadership is safe tomorrow.

🚨 The world is watching. But will Nigeria listen?

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🔎 The Truth: This Is Workplace Bullying & Gender Suppression

This is not a routine political dispute—this is a case of workplace bullying, emotional abuse, and institutionalized gender suppression.

📌 Workplace Bullying & Political Retaliation

• Natasha is 45 years old, much younger than the three other female senators—women who should have stood by her, but instead chose to align with the system.
• She is from an opposition party, making her an easy target for political exclusion.
• Speaking up against the Senate President led to her being silenced—a classic case of retaliation against a whistleblower.

📌 Extreme Punishment—A Warning to Other Women

• In a chamber of 109 senators, only 4 are women—and instead of standing with her, the three other female senators remained silent.
• A six-month suspension without pay is extreme—it is designed to humiliate and financially weaken her, just as powerful men do to women who disrupt the status quo.
• This is a calculated attempt to "punish the troublemaker" rather than address the real issue: sexism and power abuse in the Senate.

📌 Emotional & Psychological Abuse

• This is a public shaming strategy meant to damage her reputation, weaken her emotionally, and make an example out of her.
• She is being socially and professionally isolated, which can lead to mental distress, career setbacks, and public humiliation.
• Classic workplace bullying tactics such as gaslighting, intimidation, and silencing are being used to make her question her own reality and discourage other women from supporting her.

📌 Male Dominance Reinforced by Silencing Women

• The Senate remains overwhelmingly male, and Natasha’s suspension reinforces male control over political decision-making.
• The sexual harassment allegation adds another layer—many women who report misconduct in powerful institutions face career sabotage, intimidation, and financial punishment.
• The message they want to send is clear:
  “Women, stay in your place. Speak up, and we will erase you.”
  But our response must be louder: “You will not silence us.”

🚨 This is not just politics. This is institutional abuse.

🚨 Senator Natasha’s case is a warning to ALL women in leadership, workplaces, and political spaces that:
✅ If you speak up, you will be targeted.
✅ If you challenge the status quo, you will be punished.
✅ If you report harassment, expect retaliation.

🚨 This is a violation of workplace rights, women’s rights, and human rights.

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🚀 ACT NOW! Silence is Complicity.

📢 HOW YOU CAN HELP RIGHT NOW:

✅ SHARE THIS MESSAGE—Make Natasha’s case impossible to ignore.
✅ TAG Nigerian Senators & Global Leaders—Let them know the world is watching.
✅ EMAIL & CALL SENATORS—Demand reinstatement.
✅ SIGN & SHARE PETITIONS—Turn outrage into action.
✅ USE HASHTAGS: 

#JusticeForNatasha #AccelerateAction #StopSilencingWomen

👊🏽 The world is watching. But will Nigeria listen?
👊🏽 Will the Senate rewrite history by accelerating justice—or cement itself in shame?

🚨 Justice for Natasha. Justice for All Women. 

#JusticeForNatasha #StopBullyingWomen #AccelerateAction #WomenInLeadership

Happy 2025 - Your Income Growth Year

 💃🕺 Wishing You a Happy Income Growth 2025!

Dear Friends,

✨ My prayer is that this year will bring you joy, prosperity, and abundant success.

💃🕺 May each day in the year ahead and beyond, fulfill the desires of your heart, wrapped in good health, peace, love, and joy.

Amen! 💫

 

Yours Truly

Queen of New Beginnings

#queenofnewbeginnings 

 

 

#newbeginningsqueen #happynewyear #linkedin #2025 #incomegrowth

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Ireland General Election Day - Friday 29 November 2024

The MIGRANTS IN IRISH GENERAL ELECTIONS  

28 November 2023

Meet The Migrants

General Election Day - Friday 29 November 2024

 Here are the 8 New Irish candidates we found.

These are the Migrants running for DAIL Seats

Many of them attended the Zoom meeting organized a few days ago, and have been interviewed by the community!
 

Single Women and Emotionally Unfruitful Relationships

When you enter a relationship that lasts for 5, 7, 10+ years, and is still going nowhere (whether is it longest distance or shortest distance), you must realise that you have been "Dating a man who is emotionally unavailable". An emotionally unavailable man will use anything as an excuse to rubbish you, or put you down. He will do anything to prove to you why he must not marry you.

Single Women and Emotionally Unfruitful Relationships


 

Is it impossible for a man to give gifts without wanting anything in return?

I attended a meeting that finished late few nights ago. It was a wet, windy and cold night. I ran straight into the red Mercedes Benz to warmth. For a second, I remembered that this car is a gift from a woman! And she wanted nothing in return for it. Then I remembered the Mitsubishi I had been given in 2009. A gift from a man! He wanted nothing in return for it. Then I remembered the Ford Escort I was given in 2000. That also was a gift. As I sat still for those few seconds, I remembered the gift of a Ford Granada, given to me in 2002, by a man who also asked for nothing. I later gave that car to a lady, and wanted nothing from her. As I drove off, I began to wonder.

I wondered about all those people who say that it is impossible for a man to give gifts without wanting anything in return. Surely, if they think that men give gifts because they want sex, they must also think that women who give gifts to other women must be lesbians. Why must gifts be attached to sex or sexuality? I wondered what they would say when they hear that a lady gave this kind of gift. Will they now think she is a lesbian? What kind of sick thinking is that? Since when did giving (and accepting) gifts become such a lewd, sexually motivated activity? As I drove, I remembered the gifts of air tickets, money, clothes, food shopping, cars, kind words, information, ideas, time, encouragement, advice, training, coaching, mentoring, etc, that I had been privileged to give. I know I definitely am not a lesbian, or sexually attracted to every man. I remembered all the gifts I had received as well from women and men. The same kinds of things I have never been worried about giving to others. The Bible says "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you measure, it shall be measured back to you". [Luke 6:38]. “Give”, it says, and men (and women) shall give back to you in good measure. When you are a giver, it is obvious that people will be willing to give you gifts. Receiving a gift in good faith is as pleasant for the receiver, as it is pleasant for the giver.

 Gifts are neither solicited nor expected. Most come as surprises and are usually willingly given for something a person may have given, done, or said which made a difference in the life of the giver. Why would anyone attach vile thoughts to such a pleasant activity? Why would anyone want to spoil the happiness expressed when a gift is offered? The bible gave an answer: “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. He is not the man/woman his mouth speaks or declares him to be; what his heart thinks which is discovered by his looks and actions, and by which he is to be judged (not by his words);  Eat and drink, he says to you, but his heart is not with you; he asks you to eat and drink, but he does not desire that you should, or at least eat very sparingly; it is only a mere compliment, not a hearty welcome”. [Proverbs 23:7]. 

Good people have a nature to give good things because that is who they are. Evil people are wicked, conniving, murdering backstabbers, unfriendly friends and friendly enemies who produce pure darkness because that is who they really are. “A good man out of the good treasure of his/her heart brings forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure in his heart, brings forth evil things.” [Matthew 12:35]. One translation says “Good people do the good things that are in them. But evil people do the evil things that are in them". Luke puts it this way, “A good man brings much good from the treasure of his good heart; and an evil man brings that which is evil out of the evil treasure of his evil heart: BECAUSE, from the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” [Luke 6:45]. One translation says “Good people do the good that is in them. But evil people do the evil that is in them. The things people say come from inside them”. Evil minded people are silly, little minded, caustic people, who think evil, do evil and speak evil things about others. You can’t give what you don’t have. If you see yourself in this picture, then this is about you. No apologies.

To whom much is given, much is expected. Givers must expect to receive, because those who sow expect a harvest. Those who sow, reap. If you sow nothing you reap nothing. But, you always reap. You reap something, or you reap nothing. In reality, everyone sows either good or evil. When someone gives you a gift, gladly accept with thanks, without attaching any sexual connotation, unless sex is expressed or implied. Even so, it is still your choice to accept or refuse the gift. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Make the gift feel worth every penny spent. I am thankful for all those who have felt me worthy of their gifts. Those who say it is impossible to give gifts without having ulterior motives are really sick people. A gift is a good thing, whether it comes from a man or from a woman. Thank you for overlooking my imperfections and overlooking the reports of evil minded people. Those who say there are no angels have not met you yet. My name translates "Surrounded by Treasures"... You are some of the most Wonderful Treasures that surround me.

Thank you for your kindness and for all your gifts.

PrincessOlayinka DixonOludaiye

Friday 18 January 2013

Answering the Question When Does The Pain End?

 

Answering the Question When Does The Pain End?

by Yinka Dixon-Oludaiye

When does the pain end was a question posed by a friend to Yetunde Daramola in 2010. 

She, in turn asked friends and family on Facebook "When Does the Pain End?". 

I attempted a response by giving the response below.

When does the pain end? 

How long does it take for the hurt to heal? 

How do people deal with their hurt? 

There is no rule book to measure the end of pain or grief. 

There is no yardstick to determine how long before hurt heals. As we are all different, we are bound to handle things in different ways. The same with pain, hurt and grief. Some heal later, some heal sooner. 

It's not as easy as A.B.C., neither is it as clear as daylight how or when someone who is hurting will heal. Only time does that. 

What helps people heal is the presence of caring, dedicated friends, who remain steadfast to ensure that their friend will not go "down". 

Going down into that dark and lonely road of depression, bitterness, fear and confusion, is, to say the least, worst for most people. 

Many may be wondering about the "fear" angle... 

It's the "fear" of suddenly finding yourself alone, asking questions for which there are no answers, facing very nasty and judgmental friends, facing neighbors who look on with pitiful eyes... 

And where there are children, what do you tell them? How? Blame him/her? Or blame yourself? 

Does that make it better for the kids? How will they cope? 

Surely, as human beings, they do feel it too, and can sometimes end up feeling suicidal and in such terrible pain themselves. 

Like losing a loved one to death, grieving must be allowed to take place. 

Cry if you must, feel sorry for yourself, mope... 

Some people enter into a place of darkness where daytime rolls painlessly into night time, those who have children don't even remember that they exist. 

Their "memory fails" them. They become like ghosts, a shadow of themselves. 

It is the people you surround yourself with at such times that will determine how soon (or how well) you heal. 

Some people will attempt to make sure you never forget your pain. Just keep avoiding them. And don't ever try to cope by yourself. 

Not talking about it, will bring about a delayed shock later on in life. 

I used to off-load my heart to anyone who cares to listen... 

After that, I walk away, and leave them with the “problem”, especially if they are people who like to "talk", I just give them plenty more to talk about.... 

The truth of the matter is that, the pain never really leaves, and someone mentioned a feeling of "being cheated". 

Before a relationship breaks down, the signs will be there for all to see, but people usually make excuses and ignore those signs, until the biological clock stops ticking. 

Yes, the Word of God (if you are a believer in whatever religion), is a healer, and with time, the Word prevails. But when the pain starts, you question everything, including God and his Word, and all those so-called Christians (and religious people) around you. 

And when there seems to be no ready answers, and, you seem to be surrounded by people ("friends"?) who feel it was "good for you" that your marriage/relationship broke up, your heart sinks. And things get worse if you happen to be in the same church/network. 

It is situations like this, that make many people lose self-confidence. You did everything the word of God described. You "played by the book", while your partner played "away". 

You spent your life, when you could have been the one to pack your bag and "run" miles years ago... But you stayed. Yes, all these things hurt bitterly. AND Pain will NOT just pack its bag and leave, just because you have now read the Bible, and attended praise-worship sessions. It Still WILL Hurt.

Ultimately, what swings it for most people is the ability to see yourself, just as God sees you.. a person of value, full of so many virtues that are useful to many people. 

Building blocks and nuggets of simple valuable things that help you to look after yourself, always rebuilds self-confidence. 

Don't be fooled, those who have not walked that road will never understand how you feel. And you really need to forgive anyone who says "I know what you're going through", because they're just trying to be nice. 

At best, someone who has had a similar experience might "understand" what you might be going through, but they will never actually KNOW. Only he who feels it will KNOW it. How do people deal with it? 

Learn to forgive your spouse for wasting your life (if you see it like that). But ask yourself, if anything good came out of the relationship (like your children?) 

Then forgive yourself for the failed relationship. And forgive all the people who could have, but didn't help when it would have made a difference. 

Forgive the barman, Forgive the chef, forgive the Pope, forgive the cat... forgive anything and anyone in range... Believe me, you'll feel so powerful in the end, as you go around issuing pardon to all these mere mortals.

And why not? It's within your power to give, so give it freely. It helps you regain your confidence. 

Regaining self-confidence is the only thing that can drive one out of that dark and dangerous pit (which can make people literally lose their minds). 

Asking questions will not do it, because ALL those questions that loom in that dark, dreary and painful place will definitely have NO answers. 

Yinka Dixon-Oludaiye

Published 25 Nov 2012  Yinka Dixon Answering he Question: When Does The Pain End?

Published 23 Nov 2012  at 03:16 am WHEN DOES THE PAIN END? - Yetunde Daramola

This was first published by Princess Yinka Dixon-Oludaiye  on Facebook 25 February 2010 at 01:11

When Does the pain end by Yetunde Daramola

 

When Does the pain end?

by Yetunde Daramola (Odebiyi)


I have just come in from one of my many rounds to the supermarket. While waiting at the checkout, an old friend walked up to me. We exchanged pleasantries and then she asked after an old neighbour of mine. I replied saying she had left the neighbourhood following a breakdown of her marriage. 


The friend then said to me, “The same thing happened to me and I am still hurting.” I told her that time would heal her. She said she wanted the healing to be tomorrow. 

She still appeared deeply hurt and I realise that hurt is spreading around fast. I encouraged her still, saying: “Don’t worry; this time shall pass.” I bet my friend did not really want to hear that. She wanted her pain to just go away. Only a peek into the future to know exactly when the pain would end could have consoled her a bit. 

Back to my neighbour who left... Her husband had previously told me that he had seen so many separated or divorced women coping well on their own and that he was sure that his wife would cope too if he left her. A sadist, don’t you think? Hearing him say that, the little respect I had for the man dropped straight down to zero. 

Obviously, he had made up his mind to leave anyway and that he did, and in a most dramatic way. He had sent his wife and son on holiday for the summer, picked them from the airport, drove them home and then moved out the same night. “Men are downright callous” I have heard many women say. 

Well, the average woman feels that every man bales out in search of variety, greener pastures or whatever you want to call it just as soon as he has had his share of the ‘home cake’. 

Before you start getting defensive, I know that sometimes it is the women who pack out of the marriage. Generally speaking, women are more communicative and so it is only their side of the hurt and how it feels that I know. That is the only view I have so far, but I would like to hear from the men too. 

Here is my question: 

Following relationship breakdowns - separation, divorce etc - how long does it take to heal? Please let us be true to ourselves and share experiences, albeit anonymously. 

I remember when I was a teenager and my crush ended up going out with someone else. I cried, but my dad said to me, “Don’t worry, with time you will heal . Even if one loses a pet, one still grieves over it". 

I also remember him saying that even if your flatmate leaves after sharing a flat for a while; one is bound to miss the person. I understand that one cannot compare a marriage (with or without children) to a crush, but the fact remains that someone you once loved or had feelings for has moved on. 

But really, how long does it take for hurt folks to heal.? 

A few books I have read say that 18 months is the grieving time and after that the mind heals a bit? Is that true for you? 

I have also read that when relationships between unmarried people break down, it is best not to start another relationship for 18 months as anything earlier would be on the rebound. Has this worked with you too? 

Being in Christ makes everything easier to manage, but still, when does the pain end? 

Once again, all views male and female are welcome, albeit anonymously and feel free to share with others.


Yetunde Daramola (Yetunde Odebiyi)
www.yetundedaramola.com

Published 

https://yinkadixon.blogspot.com/2012/11/when-does-pain-end-by-yetunde-daramola.html/

https://thebeckymag.blogspot.com/2012/11/when-will-pain-end.html

23 November 2012

This article was first published on Facebook by Yetunde Odebiyi on Wednesday, 24 February 2010 at 18:20

Spending Time With Friends and Family is Priceless

Spending Time With Friends and Family is Priceless

There is a lot to be said about spending time with family. Time is often said to be a rare commodity, and is to be valued.

The highlight of my evening is that I went for a meal last night. It was not planned, but was, rather, impromptu. My cousin had arrived from USA since last Thursday, and was bound to return on an early flight tomorrow, Wednesday. She was staying with my cousin from Ireland who is her sister, and cousin from Ireland’s family, which is about an hour away from me. I remember that we had talked about it for while, before cousin from USA actually arrived for this trip, and had planned a few things in advance. 

 

Time does tend to creep in quickly on you, leaving you wondering where it disappeared to in the end. Sunday was meant to be our first outing, but other events sort of overtook this plan. Things always seem to have a way of hijacking your time, if one is not careful. Sunday went by, and although a bit unhappy about missing that outing, there was not much one could do about it.

Of course, work takes over the week days. You start at 8am and end a 8pm when you are running your own business. You can’t ask anyone for overtime pay. It’s times like this that you really wish that someone else was paying for your time. So, you tell yourself that you need to put in much more, in order to get much more value out of the business. Sunday came and went, as did Monday. I have not been able to blog about anything. As a matter of fact, my mind keeps drawing a blank every time I think of what to write. A few items come to mind, but at the end of the day on Monday, after dinner, I found that I had slept off on the sofa. Writing will have to be on another day. The left over food had even dried up in the plate as I got up to take the plates to re-adjust myself. An outing on a busy Tuesday evening is the last thing on my mind.

However, we had agreed (cousin from Ireland and I), that we would make the visit of cousin from USA, as eventful as possible. If I know my cousin from Ireland, she likes to leave no stone unturned. So, just as I was ending my teaching session late on Tuesday, this call came from cousin from Ireland. The children and herself, were here in Dublin, with cousin from USA. Now, what does one do when you are tired and feeling quite unsociable? You say so. Yes. That’s what I did. Did cousin from Ireland buy any of that? Nope! “We’ll just stop over “briefly”, and see you since we are in town, and the children have been saying they want to see you”. Ah! Bless her dear heart. Arm-twisting is an art, I guess. I should register for a course in subtle arm-twisting. “Erm, erm, I am really not feeling sociable. I am tired, and hungry, and need to go to bed in one hour”, were my exact words.

Thirty minutes later, we were in a Chinese restaurant, having buffet. It was my treat. After meeting with cousin from USA, I decided it wouldn’t be nice not to add this meeting to her experience of Ireland. This was about 7pm. At 11.30pm, we were just saying our goodbyes. We had taken photographs as a record of the event. But, we almost forgot the photos. We were all overfed, and had laughed and laughed, as we cracked joke upon joke. The children cracked jokes. We cracked jokes. We took swipes at the food, at the tables, the wall pictures, the car-parking (which incidentally is a 24 hour, 7 day week paid parking, apparently run by Tesco’s). They obviously don’t want us to be stopping there at anytime of the day! 

 

Anyway, as I was saying, in between meals, we talked about cousin’s cat called “Heaven”. She showed us a picture of “Heaven”. And although I can’t stand cats (being asthmatic, I cant stand animals, but I prefer dogs to cats), I felt “Heaven” was a gorgeous feline. He coat is pure white, and radiant. She has a gold eye and a blue eye. Rather uncanny. I have never seen anyone or animal with two different color eyes. But “Heaven” has two colors. You can’t say anything bad about “Heaven” if you want to stay in cousin from USA’s good books. So, I told her “Heaven” has a lovely coat (which was not a lie). 

 

You have to find something good to say about someone (or someone’s pet), to make them feel good, even if you don’t like them. One of my mentors always says that people want to hear good things about themselves. Even if it is the truth, no-one want you to tell them that they are awful horrible giant arse holes (which is what I called the guy who interrupted my teaching today, for more than 30 minutes, just to annoy me). Anyway, when cousin from USA goes back now, she will go home to “Heaven”, and she was very delighted about it, although she enjoyed our company.

Well, I was recounting the whole episode to my cousin in England last night, and she commented that the “highlight of the message, is that I went out for a meal”, and that I should do this more often. She hoped I had wine as well. But if I had had wine, both cousin from USA and cousin from Ireland and the children would have had to carry me inside the house, ‘cos I would have been as drunk as a skunk. 

 

Well, it was a great privileged to spend a bit of my time with my family last night. I can’t actually remember how long ago I had this experience last. Taking time out of a busy schedule is a very rewarding vocation, and quite important. The rewards cannot really be quantified. We cannot buy the laughter, the jokes, the bonding and closeness that comes with it, as we sat there, making fun of each other, and the quantities of food we ate, it became apparent, that we must find the time to do this again, sometime very soon, as it helps us to grow in affection. 

 

Yes, we paid for the food, but what we have all taken away from the time together, is priceless.

Princess YinkaDixon

 

 

first published by me as Power2win on July 25, 2012, while a member of the Empower Network

Today, I just don’t feel like doing anything

Today, I just don’t feel like doing anything

Have you ever had any days like this.? These would be days when you wake up feeling like doing absolutely nothing. It won’t be because you had nothing to do. You probably have a diary overflowing with things you need to do in one day that would take a month to complete. However, today, you simply chose to be without an agenda. I guess you are not alone. Many people may not say so, but they surely do feel the same way. I was once listening to popular “Lazy Song” performed by Bruno Mars.

Listen to Bruno Mars by clicking the link below.
I took the liberty of copying the lyrics to the first few words:

Bruno Mars – The Lazy Song (Official Video) – Youtube
Today I don’t feel like doing anything; I just wanna lay in my bed.
Don’t feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone.
‘Cause today, I swear, I’m not doing anything.
I’m gonna kick my feet up; then stare at the fan.

Then he goes on to talk about “TOMORROW”…
Yeah, on days like this, we all have a “plan” for “tomorrow”. The song goes on to say “Tomorrow, I’ll wake up”…. I’ll do this, and I’ll do that…. I’ll even “get a college degree. I bet my old man will be so proud of me. But, sorry pops, you’ll just have to wait”…

Why should anybody have to wait? Because TODAY is all I’ve got… In many ways, it sounds very logical to step back, and savour the moment, every now and again. There is a lot to be said for spending quality time with yourself, in your own company. Some people cannot do without being in the company of friends. There has to be a crowd in their lives regularly, before they can feel “safe” or “popular”, or that people “really love” them. Hey. Have you heard what some of those people say about you behind your back? True. If you could become a fly on the wall of some of these people, you would really want to spend more time in your own company. Because, in the end, all that matters is that you are really happy, fulfilled, and contented with yourself. You can’t give what you don’t have. Happiness and contentment begins from within you, not from outside.

If you are one of those people who like your actions and words to be ratified and accredited by others, the day they withhold their accreditation and praise, is the day you die. I tell you that this is too much power to give to an outsider. You have the power within you to keep YOU happy. Spend time with yourself, and discover the real YOU. Today, if you don’t really feel like doing anything, and you are sure it won’t affect your job, your business, or ability to earn a decent dollar, just do it. Turn your phones off. Throw your feet on the sofa, or lay on the bed. Stare at the ceiling. Make absolutely no plan.

Allow the day to take its cause. You will discover that the world will not end just because you are spending time in your own company. Earthquakes will not happen. If anything major happens, I assure you, it’s not because you spent time with yourself. If you are happy the world around you will be happy with you. For me, today is just one of those days. I feel like just staying home, shutting off my phones, singing and dancing. Let the world and its problems wait till tomorrow. Today, I just don’t feel like doing anything. I regularly have days like this, when I step back to spend time in my own company without feeling guilty about it. Unfortunately, today, I can’t. But my day will come, perhaps tomorrow.

17 Dec 2012
first published by me as power2win | on July 20, 2012 while an Empower Network member

The Feelings of Grief in Divorce

The Feelings of Grief in Divorce.

 

Many people remain in dead marriages using the children as excuse for a disjointed relationship in which the battle lines are drawn fiercely and ferociously. To say the least, it is unfair on the children for parents to bring them up in war zones, or to use them as pawns during bitter long drawn out exchanges of verbal and, sometimes physical fire power. Once the love for the children becomes the priority, sometimes, divorce becomes inevitable. The realization of this ushers in a lot of grief.

When asked to describe what people feel when going through the process of divorce, some would call it a “deep sadness”, while some call it a “heavy sorrow”. Whichever way it is described, grief is unbearable, monumental, devastating, and a sometimes wearying process. Grief is usually caused by a loss of some sort, (usually of someone loved), especially in the case of divorce, relationship break-up, or death. Sometimes, grief may be caused by loss of a home or job, or something less severe, like position or community respect. And grief is sometimes so overwhelmingly unbearable that some people consider suicide. Grief cannot be avoided in divorce, as the two major parties to the relationship systematically tear apart what they have built over several years. They tear at each other, and at what once was a loving, close, bonded, intimate and significant relationship. Divorce may signify the death of a relationship, but the actual relationship is never really dead, especially when children are involved.

People grieving their dead have some sort of “closure” because of the funeral services. Funerals provide a mechanism for the bereaved to understand the permanent or terminal end of the relationship. Unfortunately, there are no funeral services for divorce, making the grieving process a prolonged and complicated process, and even though the relationship is ended, it is still, usually kept alight in some sort of crippled manner. Although divorce is not as final as a funeral, there is a big difference between separation and divorce. A separation may last 10 years and the marriage may even be “dead” 15 or 20 years, as they say, “It ain’t over until it’s over”. So, the day that is set for divorce does one significant thing in the lives of both parties, it sets in motion the process where one can put their lives back in order.



The day of divorce allows some basic questions to be answered. One learns what financial settlement (if any), will be granted, and as a result, one can determine what kind of housing one can afford, who will get primary custody of the children, and what visitation arrangement can be put in place. Not many people leave court feeling that their solicitor did a good job, but once the judgement has been made, the marriage is legally terminated, and there appears a more recognizable future for both parties. Some of the madness stops, and things become more certain and get under slightly better control. This is the day that sets in stone, the legal status of the marriage, even if there are several ongoing battles that continue into months, or even years. People have different ways of dealing with different issues, and not everyone will grieve in the same way. Everyone’s style is unique based on strength of personality, self esteem, personal insight, support form friends and family, spiritual inclination etc.

However, even though everyone has a different style and the individual grieving process is unique, there is still a predictable cycle of feelings, which will eventually end. The pattern of cycle of grief begins with Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and ends in a new wholesomeness. So, even if right now, you are riding on the worst or most bizarre emotional roller coaster you can ever imagine, be sure to know that one day you will be normal again. No storm lasts forever. This too, shall pass. The feelings you experience may not be “contained”, or logical, or predictable. Sometimes you may feel hopeless, helpless, sad, or lonely. At other times your feelings will be hatred, deep anger, bitterness or even, vindictiveness. In the daytime, you may feel fear or even terror, and then at night feel calm and normal again. Your feelings will be on very high roller coaster, fluctuating greatly even to very low levels. However, because grief follows a definite progressive pattern and no stage lasts forever, understanding the pattern is likely to provide you with some degree of hope.

This article was first published on my blog at www.yinkadixon.blogspot.com on Thursday 23 September 2010.