Ireland General Election Day - Friday 29 November 2024

The MIGRANTS IN IRISH GENERAL ELECTIONS  

28 November 2023

Meet The Migrants

General Election Day - Friday 29 November 2024

 Here are the 8 New Irish candidates we found.

These are the Migrants running for DAIL Seats

Many of them attended the Zoom meeting organized a few days ago, and have been interviewed by the community!
 

Single Women and Emotionally Unfruitful Relationships

When you enter a relationship that lasts for 5, 7, 10+ years, and is still going nowhere (whether is it longest distance or shortest distance), you must realise that you have been "Dating a man who is emotionally unavailable". An emotionally unavailable man will use anything as an excuse to rubbish you, or put you down. He will do anything to prove to you why he must not marry you.

Single Women and Emotionally Unfruitful Relationships


 

Is it impossible for a man to give gifts without wanting anything in return?

I attended a meeting that finished late few nights ago. It was a wet, windy and cold night. I ran straight into the red Mercedes Benz to warmth. For a second, I remembered that this car is a gift from a woman! And she wanted nothing in return for it. Then I remembered the Mitsubishi I had been given in 2009. A gift from a man! He wanted nothing in return for it. Then I remembered the Ford Escort I was given in 2000. That also was a gift. As I sat still for those few seconds, I remembered the gift of a Ford Granada, given to me in 2002, by a man who also asked for nothing. I later gave that car to a lady, and wanted nothing from her. As I drove off, I began to wonder.

I wondered about all those people who say that it is impossible for a man to give gifts without wanting anything in return. Surely, if they think that men give gifts because they want sex, they must also think that women who give gifts to other women must be lesbians. Why must gifts be attached to sex or sexuality? I wondered what they would say when they hear that a lady gave this kind of gift. Will they now think she is a lesbian? What kind of sick thinking is that? Since when did giving (and accepting) gifts become such a lewd, sexually motivated activity? As I drove, I remembered the gifts of air tickets, money, clothes, food shopping, cars, kind words, information, ideas, time, encouragement, advice, training, coaching, mentoring, etc, that I had been privileged to give. I know I definitely am not a lesbian, or sexually attracted to every man. I remembered all the gifts I had received as well from women and men. The same kinds of things I have never been worried about giving to others. The Bible says "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you measure, it shall be measured back to you". [Luke 6:38]. “Give”, it says, and men (and women) shall give back to you in good measure. When you are a giver, it is obvious that people will be willing to give you gifts. Receiving a gift in good faith is as pleasant for the receiver, as it is pleasant for the giver.

 Gifts are neither solicited nor expected. Most come as surprises and are usually willingly given for something a person may have given, done, or said which made a difference in the life of the giver. Why would anyone attach vile thoughts to such a pleasant activity? Why would anyone want to spoil the happiness expressed when a gift is offered? The bible gave an answer: “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. He is not the man/woman his mouth speaks or declares him to be; what his heart thinks which is discovered by his looks and actions, and by which he is to be judged (not by his words);  Eat and drink, he says to you, but his heart is not with you; he asks you to eat and drink, but he does not desire that you should, or at least eat very sparingly; it is only a mere compliment, not a hearty welcome”. [Proverbs 23:7]. 

Good people have a nature to give good things because that is who they are. Evil people are wicked, conniving, murdering backstabbers, unfriendly friends and friendly enemies who produce pure darkness because that is who they really are. “A good man out of the good treasure of his/her heart brings forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure in his heart, brings forth evil things.” [Matthew 12:35]. One translation says “Good people do the good things that are in them. But evil people do the evil things that are in them". Luke puts it this way, “A good man brings much good from the treasure of his good heart; and an evil man brings that which is evil out of the evil treasure of his evil heart: BECAUSE, from the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” [Luke 6:45]. One translation says “Good people do the good that is in them. But evil people do the evil that is in them. The things people say come from inside them”. Evil minded people are silly, little minded, caustic people, who think evil, do evil and speak evil things about others. You can’t give what you don’t have. If you see yourself in this picture, then this is about you. No apologies.

To whom much is given, much is expected. Givers must expect to receive, because those who sow expect a harvest. Those who sow, reap. If you sow nothing you reap nothing. But, you always reap. You reap something, or you reap nothing. In reality, everyone sows either good or evil. When someone gives you a gift, gladly accept with thanks, without attaching any sexual connotation, unless sex is expressed or implied. Even so, it is still your choice to accept or refuse the gift. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Make the gift feel worth every penny spent. I am thankful for all those who have felt me worthy of their gifts. Those who say it is impossible to give gifts without having ulterior motives are really sick people. A gift is a good thing, whether it comes from a man or from a woman. Thank you for overlooking my imperfections and overlooking the reports of evil minded people. Those who say there are no angels have not met you yet. My name translates "Surrounded by Treasures"... You are some of the most Wonderful Treasures that surround me.

Thank you for your kindness and for all your gifts.

PrincessOlayinka DixonOludaiye

Friday 18 January 2013

Answering the Question When Does The Pain End?

 

Answering the Question When Does The Pain End?

by Yinka Dixon-Oludaiye

When does the pain end was a question posed by a friend to Yetunde Daramola in 2010. 

She, in turn asked friends and family on Facebook "When Does the Pain End?". 

I attempted a response by giving the response below.

When does the pain end? 

How long does it take for the hurt to heal? 

How do people deal with their hurt? 

There is no rule book to measure the end of pain or grief. 

There is no yardstick to determine how long before hurt heals. As we are all different, we are bound to handle things in different ways. The same with pain, hurt and grief. Some heal later, some heal sooner. 

It's not as easy as A.B.C., neither is it as clear as daylight how or when someone who is hurting will heal. Only time does that. 

What helps people heal is the presence of caring, dedicated friends, who remain steadfast to ensure that their friend will not go "down". 

Going down into that dark and lonely road of depression, bitterness, fear and confusion, is, to say the least, worst for most people. 

Many may be wondering about the "fear" angle... 

It's the "fear" of suddenly finding yourself alone, asking questions for which there are no answers, facing very nasty and judgmental friends, facing neighbors who look on with pitiful eyes... 

And where there are children, what do you tell them? How? Blame him/her? Or blame yourself? 

Does that make it better for the kids? How will they cope? 

Surely, as human beings, they do feel it too, and can sometimes end up feeling suicidal and in such terrible pain themselves. 

Like losing a loved one to death, grieving must be allowed to take place. 

Cry if you must, feel sorry for yourself, mope... 

Some people enter into a place of darkness where daytime rolls painlessly into night time, those who have children don't even remember that they exist. 

Their "memory fails" them. They become like ghosts, a shadow of themselves. 

It is the people you surround yourself with at such times that will determine how soon (or how well) you heal. 

Some people will attempt to make sure you never forget your pain. Just keep avoiding them. And don't ever try to cope by yourself. 

Not talking about it, will bring about a delayed shock later on in life. 

I used to off-load my heart to anyone who cares to listen... 

After that, I walk away, and leave them with the “problem”, especially if they are people who like to "talk", I just give them plenty more to talk about.... 

The truth of the matter is that, the pain never really leaves, and someone mentioned a feeling of "being cheated". 

Before a relationship breaks down, the signs will be there for all to see, but people usually make excuses and ignore those signs, until the biological clock stops ticking. 

Yes, the Word of God (if you are a believer in whatever religion), is a healer, and with time, the Word prevails. But when the pain starts, you question everything, including God and his Word, and all those so-called Christians (and religious people) around you. 

And when there seems to be no ready answers, and, you seem to be surrounded by people ("friends"?) who feel it was "good for you" that your marriage/relationship broke up, your heart sinks. And things get worse if you happen to be in the same church/network. 

It is situations like this, that make many people lose self-confidence. You did everything the word of God described. You "played by the book", while your partner played "away". 

You spent your life, when you could have been the one to pack your bag and "run" miles years ago... But you stayed. Yes, all these things hurt bitterly. AND Pain will NOT just pack its bag and leave, just because you have now read the Bible, and attended praise-worship sessions. It Still WILL Hurt.

Ultimately, what swings it for most people is the ability to see yourself, just as God sees you.. a person of value, full of so many virtues that are useful to many people. 

Building blocks and nuggets of simple valuable things that help you to look after yourself, always rebuilds self-confidence. 

Don't be fooled, those who have not walked that road will never understand how you feel. And you really need to forgive anyone who says "I know what you're going through", because they're just trying to be nice. 

At best, someone who has had a similar experience might "understand" what you might be going through, but they will never actually KNOW. Only he who feels it will KNOW it. How do people deal with it? 

Learn to forgive your spouse for wasting your life (if you see it like that). But ask yourself, if anything good came out of the relationship (like your children?) 

Then forgive yourself for the failed relationship. And forgive all the people who could have, but didn't help when it would have made a difference. 

Forgive the barman, Forgive the chef, forgive the Pope, forgive the cat... forgive anything and anyone in range... Believe me, you'll feel so powerful in the end, as you go around issuing pardon to all these mere mortals.

And why not? It's within your power to give, so give it freely. It helps you regain your confidence. 

Regaining self-confidence is the only thing that can drive one out of that dark and dangerous pit (which can make people literally lose their minds). 

Asking questions will not do it, because ALL those questions that loom in that dark, dreary and painful place will definitely have NO answers. 

Yinka Dixon-Oludaiye

Published 25 Nov 2012  Yinka Dixon Answering he Question: When Does The Pain End?

Published 23 Nov 2012  at 03:16 am WHEN DOES THE PAIN END? - Yetunde Daramola

This was first published by Princess Yinka Dixon-Oludaiye  on Facebook 25 February 2010 at 01:11

When Does the pain end by Yetunde Daramola

 

When Does the pain end?

by Yetunde Daramola (Odebiyi)


I have just come in from one of my many rounds to the supermarket. While waiting at the checkout, an old friend walked up to me. We exchanged pleasantries and then she asked after an old neighbour of mine. I replied saying she had left the neighbourhood following a breakdown of her marriage. 


The friend then said to me, “The same thing happened to me and I am still hurting.” I told her that time would heal her. She said she wanted the healing to be tomorrow. 

She still appeared deeply hurt and I realise that hurt is spreading around fast. I encouraged her still, saying: “Don’t worry; this time shall pass.” I bet my friend did not really want to hear that. She wanted her pain to just go away. Only a peek into the future to know exactly when the pain would end could have consoled her a bit. 

Back to my neighbour who left... Her husband had previously told me that he had seen so many separated or divorced women coping well on their own and that he was sure that his wife would cope too if he left her. A sadist, don’t you think? Hearing him say that, the little respect I had for the man dropped straight down to zero. 

Obviously, he had made up his mind to leave anyway and that he did, and in a most dramatic way. He had sent his wife and son on holiday for the summer, picked them from the airport, drove them home and then moved out the same night. “Men are downright callous” I have heard many women say. 

Well, the average woman feels that every man bales out in search of variety, greener pastures or whatever you want to call it just as soon as he has had his share of the ‘home cake’. 

Before you start getting defensive, I know that sometimes it is the women who pack out of the marriage. Generally speaking, women are more communicative and so it is only their side of the hurt and how it feels that I know. That is the only view I have so far, but I would like to hear from the men too. 

Here is my question: 

Following relationship breakdowns - separation, divorce etc - how long does it take to heal? Please let us be true to ourselves and share experiences, albeit anonymously. 

I remember when I was a teenager and my crush ended up going out with someone else. I cried, but my dad said to me, “Don’t worry, with time you will heal . Even if one loses a pet, one still grieves over it". 

I also remember him saying that even if your flatmate leaves after sharing a flat for a while; one is bound to miss the person. I understand that one cannot compare a marriage (with or without children) to a crush, but the fact remains that someone you once loved or had feelings for has moved on. 

But really, how long does it take for hurt folks to heal.? 

A few books I have read say that 18 months is the grieving time and after that the mind heals a bit? Is that true for you? 

I have also read that when relationships between unmarried people break down, it is best not to start another relationship for 18 months as anything earlier would be on the rebound. Has this worked with you too? 

Being in Christ makes everything easier to manage, but still, when does the pain end? 

Once again, all views male and female are welcome, albeit anonymously and feel free to share with others.


Yetunde Daramola (Yetunde Odebiyi)
www.yetundedaramola.com

Published 

https://yinkadixon.blogspot.com/2012/11/when-does-pain-end-by-yetunde-daramola.html/

https://thebeckymag.blogspot.com/2012/11/when-will-pain-end.html

23 November 2012

This article was first published on Facebook by Yetunde Odebiyi on Wednesday, 24 February 2010 at 18:20

Spending Time With Friends and Family is Priceless

Spending Time With Friends and Family is Priceless

There is a lot to be said about spending time with family. Time is often said to be a rare commodity, and is to be valued.

The highlight of my evening is that I went for a meal last night. It was not planned, but was, rather, impromptu. My cousin had arrived from USA since last Thursday, and was bound to return on an early flight tomorrow, Wednesday. She was staying with my cousin from Ireland who is her sister, and cousin from Ireland’s family, which is about an hour away from me. I remember that we had talked about it for while, before cousin from USA actually arrived for this trip, and had planned a few things in advance. 

 

Time does tend to creep in quickly on you, leaving you wondering where it disappeared to in the end. Sunday was meant to be our first outing, but other events sort of overtook this plan. Things always seem to have a way of hijacking your time, if one is not careful. Sunday went by, and although a bit unhappy about missing that outing, there was not much one could do about it.

Of course, work takes over the week days. You start at 8am and end a 8pm when you are running your own business. You can’t ask anyone for overtime pay. It’s times like this that you really wish that someone else was paying for your time. So, you tell yourself that you need to put in much more, in order to get much more value out of the business. Sunday came and went, as did Monday. I have not been able to blog about anything. As a matter of fact, my mind keeps drawing a blank every time I think of what to write. A few items come to mind, but at the end of the day on Monday, after dinner, I found that I had slept off on the sofa. Writing will have to be on another day. The left over food had even dried up in the plate as I got up to take the plates to re-adjust myself. An outing on a busy Tuesday evening is the last thing on my mind.

However, we had agreed (cousin from Ireland and I), that we would make the visit of cousin from USA, as eventful as possible. If I know my cousin from Ireland, she likes to leave no stone unturned. So, just as I was ending my teaching session late on Tuesday, this call came from cousin from Ireland. The children and herself, were here in Dublin, with cousin from USA. Now, what does one do when you are tired and feeling quite unsociable? You say so. Yes. That’s what I did. Did cousin from Ireland buy any of that? Nope! “We’ll just stop over “briefly”, and see you since we are in town, and the children have been saying they want to see you”. Ah! Bless her dear heart. Arm-twisting is an art, I guess. I should register for a course in subtle arm-twisting. “Erm, erm, I am really not feeling sociable. I am tired, and hungry, and need to go to bed in one hour”, were my exact words.

Thirty minutes later, we were in a Chinese restaurant, having buffet. It was my treat. After meeting with cousin from USA, I decided it wouldn’t be nice not to add this meeting to her experience of Ireland. This was about 7pm. At 11.30pm, we were just saying our goodbyes. We had taken photographs as a record of the event. But, we almost forgot the photos. We were all overfed, and had laughed and laughed, as we cracked joke upon joke. The children cracked jokes. We cracked jokes. We took swipes at the food, at the tables, the wall pictures, the car-parking (which incidentally is a 24 hour, 7 day week paid parking, apparently run by Tesco’s). They obviously don’t want us to be stopping there at anytime of the day! 

 

Anyway, as I was saying, in between meals, we talked about cousin’s cat called “Heaven”. She showed us a picture of “Heaven”. And although I can’t stand cats (being asthmatic, I cant stand animals, but I prefer dogs to cats), I felt “Heaven” was a gorgeous feline. He coat is pure white, and radiant. She has a gold eye and a blue eye. Rather uncanny. I have never seen anyone or animal with two different color eyes. But “Heaven” has two colors. You can’t say anything bad about “Heaven” if you want to stay in cousin from USA’s good books. So, I told her “Heaven” has a lovely coat (which was not a lie). 

 

You have to find something good to say about someone (or someone’s pet), to make them feel good, even if you don’t like them. One of my mentors always says that people want to hear good things about themselves. Even if it is the truth, no-one want you to tell them that they are awful horrible giant arse holes (which is what I called the guy who interrupted my teaching today, for more than 30 minutes, just to annoy me). Anyway, when cousin from USA goes back now, she will go home to “Heaven”, and she was very delighted about it, although she enjoyed our company.

Well, I was recounting the whole episode to my cousin in England last night, and she commented that the “highlight of the message, is that I went out for a meal”, and that I should do this more often. She hoped I had wine as well. But if I had had wine, both cousin from USA and cousin from Ireland and the children would have had to carry me inside the house, ‘cos I would have been as drunk as a skunk. 

 

Well, it was a great privileged to spend a bit of my time with my family last night. I can’t actually remember how long ago I had this experience last. Taking time out of a busy schedule is a very rewarding vocation, and quite important. The rewards cannot really be quantified. We cannot buy the laughter, the jokes, the bonding and closeness that comes with it, as we sat there, making fun of each other, and the quantities of food we ate, it became apparent, that we must find the time to do this again, sometime very soon, as it helps us to grow in affection. 

 

Yes, we paid for the food, but what we have all taken away from the time together, is priceless.

Princess YinkaDixon

 

 

first published by me as Power2win on July 25, 2012, while a member of the Empower Network

Today, I just don’t feel like doing anything

Today, I just don’t feel like doing anything

Have you ever had any days like this.? These would be days when you wake up feeling like doing absolutely nothing. It won’t be because you had nothing to do. You probably have a diary overflowing with things you need to do in one day that would take a month to complete. However, today, you simply chose to be without an agenda. I guess you are not alone. Many people may not say so, but they surely do feel the same way. I was once listening to popular “Lazy Song” performed by Bruno Mars.

Listen to Bruno Mars by clicking the link below.
I took the liberty of copying the lyrics to the first few words:

Bruno Mars – The Lazy Song (Official Video) – Youtube
Today I don’t feel like doing anything; I just wanna lay in my bed.
Don’t feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone.
‘Cause today, I swear, I’m not doing anything.
I’m gonna kick my feet up; then stare at the fan.

Then he goes on to talk about “TOMORROW”…
Yeah, on days like this, we all have a “plan” for “tomorrow”. The song goes on to say “Tomorrow, I’ll wake up”…. I’ll do this, and I’ll do that…. I’ll even “get a college degree. I bet my old man will be so proud of me. But, sorry pops, you’ll just have to wait”…

Why should anybody have to wait? Because TODAY is all I’ve got… In many ways, it sounds very logical to step back, and savour the moment, every now and again. There is a lot to be said for spending quality time with yourself, in your own company. Some people cannot do without being in the company of friends. There has to be a crowd in their lives regularly, before they can feel “safe” or “popular”, or that people “really love” them. Hey. Have you heard what some of those people say about you behind your back? True. If you could become a fly on the wall of some of these people, you would really want to spend more time in your own company. Because, in the end, all that matters is that you are really happy, fulfilled, and contented with yourself. You can’t give what you don’t have. Happiness and contentment begins from within you, not from outside.

If you are one of those people who like your actions and words to be ratified and accredited by others, the day they withhold their accreditation and praise, is the day you die. I tell you that this is too much power to give to an outsider. You have the power within you to keep YOU happy. Spend time with yourself, and discover the real YOU. Today, if you don’t really feel like doing anything, and you are sure it won’t affect your job, your business, or ability to earn a decent dollar, just do it. Turn your phones off. Throw your feet on the sofa, or lay on the bed. Stare at the ceiling. Make absolutely no plan.

Allow the day to take its cause. You will discover that the world will not end just because you are spending time in your own company. Earthquakes will not happen. If anything major happens, I assure you, it’s not because you spent time with yourself. If you are happy the world around you will be happy with you. For me, today is just one of those days. I feel like just staying home, shutting off my phones, singing and dancing. Let the world and its problems wait till tomorrow. Today, I just don’t feel like doing anything. I regularly have days like this, when I step back to spend time in my own company without feeling guilty about it. Unfortunately, today, I can’t. But my day will come, perhaps tomorrow.

17 Dec 2012
first published by me as power2win | on July 20, 2012 while an Empower Network member

The Feelings of Grief in Divorce

The Feelings of Grief in Divorce.

 

Many people remain in dead marriages using the children as excuse for a disjointed relationship in which the battle lines are drawn fiercely and ferociously. To say the least, it is unfair on the children for parents to bring them up in war zones, or to use them as pawns during bitter long drawn out exchanges of verbal and, sometimes physical fire power. Once the love for the children becomes the priority, sometimes, divorce becomes inevitable. The realization of this ushers in a lot of grief.

When asked to describe what people feel when going through the process of divorce, some would call it a “deep sadness”, while some call it a “heavy sorrow”. Whichever way it is described, grief is unbearable, monumental, devastating, and a sometimes wearying process. Grief is usually caused by a loss of some sort, (usually of someone loved), especially in the case of divorce, relationship break-up, or death. Sometimes, grief may be caused by loss of a home or job, or something less severe, like position or community respect. And grief is sometimes so overwhelmingly unbearable that some people consider suicide. Grief cannot be avoided in divorce, as the two major parties to the relationship systematically tear apart what they have built over several years. They tear at each other, and at what once was a loving, close, bonded, intimate and significant relationship. Divorce may signify the death of a relationship, but the actual relationship is never really dead, especially when children are involved.

People grieving their dead have some sort of “closure” because of the funeral services. Funerals provide a mechanism for the bereaved to understand the permanent or terminal end of the relationship. Unfortunately, there are no funeral services for divorce, making the grieving process a prolonged and complicated process, and even though the relationship is ended, it is still, usually kept alight in some sort of crippled manner. Although divorce is not as final as a funeral, there is a big difference between separation and divorce. A separation may last 10 years and the marriage may even be “dead” 15 or 20 years, as they say, “It ain’t over until it’s over”. So, the day that is set for divorce does one significant thing in the lives of both parties, it sets in motion the process where one can put their lives back in order.



The day of divorce allows some basic questions to be answered. One learns what financial settlement (if any), will be granted, and as a result, one can determine what kind of housing one can afford, who will get primary custody of the children, and what visitation arrangement can be put in place. Not many people leave court feeling that their solicitor did a good job, but once the judgement has been made, the marriage is legally terminated, and there appears a more recognizable future for both parties. Some of the madness stops, and things become more certain and get under slightly better control. This is the day that sets in stone, the legal status of the marriage, even if there are several ongoing battles that continue into months, or even years. People have different ways of dealing with different issues, and not everyone will grieve in the same way. Everyone’s style is unique based on strength of personality, self esteem, personal insight, support form friends and family, spiritual inclination etc.

However, even though everyone has a different style and the individual grieving process is unique, there is still a predictable cycle of feelings, which will eventually end. The pattern of cycle of grief begins with Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and ends in a new wholesomeness. So, even if right now, you are riding on the worst or most bizarre emotional roller coaster you can ever imagine, be sure to know that one day you will be normal again. No storm lasts forever. This too, shall pass. The feelings you experience may not be “contained”, or logical, or predictable. Sometimes you may feel hopeless, helpless, sad, or lonely. At other times your feelings will be hatred, deep anger, bitterness or even, vindictiveness. In the daytime, you may feel fear or even terror, and then at night feel calm and normal again. Your feelings will be on very high roller coaster, fluctuating greatly even to very low levels. However, because grief follows a definite progressive pattern and no stage lasts forever, understanding the pattern is likely to provide you with some degree of hope.

This article was first published on my blog at www.yinkadixon.blogspot.com on Thursday 23 September 2010.

Successful screening of 'ÌMÁLÀ' (The triumph of Wisdom) in Ireland

Successful screening of 'ÌMÁLÀ' (The triumph of Wisdom) in Ireland

by Yinka Dixon-Oludiaiye
Publisher: BECKY
CEO: Corporate Phases

The success story called 'ÌMÁLÀ' (The triumph of Wisdom) continues to be told. All roads led to the Plaza Hotel in Dublin, Ireland’s, Tyrellstown, on Friday 26th November, where the Movie premier was screened in Ireland for the first time. The movie screening which was presented by Matrix Entertainment Ltd and Ddymensions, saw several UK and Nigerian based Entertainment and Media personalities reunite with their Ireland based friends. After the screening, a question and answer session allowed for audience interaction and essential feedback for the benefit of the actors and directors. There was an initial photo call of Nollywood actors with business people and some fans.
ÌMÁLÀ has a simple but fantastic plot, creatively contrived, and deliberately woven into many real life complexities by the story’s author and Producer, Mr Abidemi Alaran, a writer, actor, film maker and Master of Ceremonies. Based on a true story, the plot takes the audience to different levels of emotional outbursts, with several interjections of laughter, side comments, arguments and even tears. Shrouded in several moments of mystery and suspense, the movie presents itself as educative, informational and entertaining. Set in a time, not too far away (2008), the story uses flashbacks as a very creative tool, bringing its audience to the beginning, the middle and the end of the story. The movie uses social, political and religious signposting, to bring into the consciousness of its audience, events in the country at the time of this incident.

Set in the village of IMALA in Ogun State of Nigeria, West Africa, and told in the Yoruba language (one of the three major languages of that country), the movie is sub-titled in English, though many intricate aspects of language is usually lost in translation. Conversations were drowned many times in poor audio output, and there was excessive use of ovation software. The sub-titling could also have benefitted from a bit of adequate language editing, and the pregnancy prop, made more believable. However, not once did the audience hear spiritual incantations, or aggravated commotion, excessive and noisy fighting or ubiquitous and pointlessly annoying swearing. The storyline is a complete departure from the usual fetish and noise-making that characterises the generality of African movies, giving the impression that many more good movies are about to explode out of Africa.

The title, 'ÌMÁLÀ', is a Nigerian phrase, derived from three words “Imo A La”, indicating the appearance of wisdom. This movie is a triumphant victim story of girl-meets-boy and becomes pregnant, of confusion, miscommunication, and hardship that eventually, ended in a happily-ever-after. It told the story of a young ambitious man (Bankole), living under the very watchful eagle eye of his uncle, a very devout church reverend to pursue his further education, met and fell in love with Segilola, an innocent secondary school girl. Segilola takes teen pregnancy, which is often a challenge that many homes face, as its main theme and explores the numerous challenges a girl faces, in the determination to correct her path in life as a teenage mother.

The movie centres on the story of Segilola a teenager who fell in love with Bankole, a 27-year old graduate. Segilola's naivety and lack of sex education put her in a life and career threatening situation. She was rejected and had to chart a new course for herself completely impervious of life's challenges. Sixteen years later, she is still trying to mend a situation that happened in complete innocence. The movie, which was directed by Andy Amenechi, sought to make the point that there are "no shortcut prescriptions" to matters of sex.

This "must watch" story is neatly and tastefully put together. From an educational point of view, the movie brings to light how young people receive little or no sexual education and are sometimes left with the resulting trauma and heartaches. While highlighting the risks of sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and unsafe abortion, ÌMÁLÀ significantly provokes much thought, discussion and debate, and depicts the gaping relationship crisis of our times, and how a girl’s life can easily go wrong. The well-meaning movie Director allowed the story to have a "happy-ever-after" ending, but many life stories do not actually end this way, leaving many career women as single mothers.

In conclusion, there are many lessons to be learnt which will enhance the education of young people (and adults) as far as sex, health and relationships are concerned. BECKY congratulates the directors, cast and crew of the movie for a job well done and recommends 'ÌMÁLÀ' (The Triumph of Wisdom), to everyone in every society and every culture.


Yinka Dixon - CMI Journalism Graduate Launches Magazine

Senator Mark Deary launches Becky Magazine, 29 October 2010

Anything is possible !! 
- CMI Journalism Graduate 
Launches Magazine 
- 29 October 2010

Bunmi Salako, Senator Mark Deary of Green Party, Yinka Dixon, Sina Salaam

Yinka Dixon, a recent graduate from the CMI Journalism course, prooves anything truly is possible when you set your mind to it.

A passionate and top student at CMI, Yinka has launched the first edition of her magazine 'Becky'.



The magazine creates a balance in appeal for people of all cultures and offers a very positive philosophy of how to live life to the fullest.

Yinka was propelled by great enthusiasm, and empowered by a CMI Journalism Diploma, to start BECKY magazine (a female focused publication).

Becky Magazine

FIRST, THEY CAME FOR THE COMMUNISTS...

"An event has happened, upon which it is difficult to speak, and impossible to be silent." (~Edmund Burke)

"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. THEN THEY CAME for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. THEN THEY CAME for me, and by that time, no one was left to speak up." (~Pastor Martin Niemöller)

An ardent nationalist and prominent Protestant pastor, Martin Niemöller (1892-1984) emerged as an outspoken public foe of Adolf Hitler and spent the last 7 years of Nazi rule in concentration camps. He is probably best remembered for the above quotation. The quotation is taken from his lectures during the early post-war period. There are different versions of the quotation, which are attributable to the fact that Niemöller spoke extemporaneously and in a number of settings. There is a lot of controversy about the content of the poem, because it has been printed in several varying forms, as referring to alternating groups such as Catholics, Jehovah's Witnesses, Jews, Trade Unionists or Communists depending on the version. Nevertheless, his point was that Germans, (and particularly, he believed, the leaders of the Protestant churches) had been complicit because of their conspiracy of silence in the Nazi imprisonment, persecution, and murder of millions of people. Edmund Burke said: "All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing."

When people in privileged authority, who should stand up for truth and justice, consistently become arrogant, vain and self-serving, with the deliberate aim of attaining aggravated positions of lordship over others, bordering on militant indiscretion, they lose their salt, their value or their worth. Their substance continues to diminish in the sights of those to whom they are called to serve. Vain-glory and pomposity become the order of the day. The sad fact, is that an increasing number of members of the revered White Collar profession, the “Men of God”, of “standing and repute”; the “timbers and juggernauts” of acclaimed spiritual “calling”, people with responsibility for the lives of millions of souls, people who should speak up or speak out, continue to troop (or troupe) into the “Corridors of Power” in a sad show of shame, seeking cheap popularity and false accreditation. "The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men." (~Plato)

Yet, some of them decry some of those who stand openly towards an indication for necessary change. Change does not come in an instant, but by contributions from all necessary credible angles. They say “those who stand for nothing will fall for anything” (my paraphrase). Yet, many say they stand for “something”, except that, beyond the opportunity of personal self-importance and financial gratification, one would need a giant magnifying glass to determine which side they really fall with. I guess many will fall on the side where their bread is buttered, perhaps understandable, when they do so quietly. Stephen King said "It's better to be good than evil, but one achieves goodness at a terrific cost."

Rather than stand up for truth and justice, many with voice and opportunity seek to color the truth for personal gratification, proclaiming a “form of justice”. Many people have turned themselves into accusers and judges, telling old wives tales, and stories that hug lies. I assume that the audience and electorate are also to blame in a way, because many seem to have itching ears, choosing rather to believe lies and fantastic fabrications, than facts. Perhaps it is true that facts can be boring. The good book of Christians directly instructs people to “buy the truth, and sell it not”. I once asked my dad, why he always bought four or five morning newspapers. He told me that to get the fact you need to read the account of more than one reporter, because not one person has “an angle” on the “truth”. There are always two sides to every story.

Between 1950 and 1954, Milton Mayer interviewed a German professor in "Kronenburg" (probably Mainz--its population was about 42,000 at the time), and then wrote a book titled, They Thought They Were Free: The Germans, 1933-45 (Chicago: Univ. of Chicago Press, 1955, 1966), p. 168f, in which he quotes the professor as saying the following:

"Pastor Martin Niemöller spoke for thousands and thousands of men like me when he spoke (too modestly of himself) and said that, when the Nazis attacked the Communists, he was a little uneasy, but, after all, he was not a Communist, and so he did nothing; and then they attacked the Socialists, and he was a little uneasier, but, still, he was not a Socialist, and he did nothing; and then the schools, the press, the Jews, and so on, and he was always uneasier, but still he did nothing. And then they attacked the Church, and he was a Churchman, and he did something--but then it was too late."

"When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle." (~Edmund Burke)

A man in the Christian Holy Bible, named James once said “Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of his brother, and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law, and judges the law: but if you judge the law, you are no longer a doer of the law, but a judge. There is only one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: Who are you, that you judge someone else? CLEAR OFF now, you that say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there for one year, and buy and sell and make profit: Whereas YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHALL BE on the morrow. For WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? It is even a vapor that appears for a wee while (a brief moment), and then vanishes (like a puff of smoke). BECAUSE OF THIS, YOU SHOULD SAY, “If it pleases the Lord, we shall live, and do this, or do that”. But instead of this, YOU REJOICE in your boasting: ALL SUCH rejoicing is evil. Therefore to him that knows to do good and does it not, to him it is sin”. (James 4 verses 11-17 (my paraphrase).

"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." (~Albert Einstein)

How Much Sex Is Too Much Sex?

So, How Much Sex Is Too Much Sex?

This question came up many years ago during a conversation about marital sex. 

 

A couple in relationship stress were with friends, when the man suddenly said “I like sex more than my wife”. All eyes stayed with him a few moments, and then, as if choreographed, all together turned to the wife. She meekly said “I can’t satisfy my husband, because he likes too much sex”. Again, as if rehearsed, all eyes looked to the floor for another few moments, before, one by one, gently, carefully, coming back up. No-one could look at either of them. No-one wanted to be accused of taking sides.

Who has been schooled enough in the area of handling marital relationships? Those with professional counselling skills know that this is the make or break point in most relationships, and needs to be handled with absolute caution. Many relationships are sick and on the verge of collapse because the protagonists in the marriage cannot speak about the real issues. Instead, counsellors are lumbered with hours of accusations that almost bother on witch-hunts, such as “he didn’t take out the bin three times in a row”; “she burnt my favourite food”. The list is endless. The real issue started hours ago, in the bedroom. Many people were brought up in a way that does not encourage talking about these issues. They get married because they claim to love each other, and proclaim their love for one another before many witnesses.

On the other hand, some people feel that they should live together first before determining if they are “right” for one another. Common Law arrangements have all the stress and problems of real marriages, without all the benefits. I always ask myself why anyone would want to go for a “Test Marriage”, especially the women. People have been conned, for too long, that marriage has no benefits, until you try it out first. So, what if you try it out, and you don’t like it? Does that erase the years you spent together as ordinary “partners”? That’s another word I like very much “partnerships” because of the business profitability angle. Do “test marriages work like “business partnerships”? A sort of “You bring, I bring: We share the profits”, kind of arrangement? If so, where is the “test” in that? After all the bible says there is “that, which every joint supplies” referring to the anatomy of the human being. Take the right arm for instance. Joined at the shoulder with the rest of the body, and at the elbow to the forearm, it is joined at the wrist to the hand, which normally has five fingers.

A business partnership assumes that each partner is good at “something”, and supplies “some degree of value” to the relationship, like our right arm. Now, imagine if the elbow says to the upper arm, “I really like you very much, but let’s just stay together for now and see if our relationship will work”. If it doesn’t work five years later, I will drop off, and you can go your own way.” Now, that would be something, wouldn’t it? Otherwise, imagine going into a brand new car showroom, and asking for a “test drive”. Five years later, three children and many photographs down the road, you abandon the car on the road, and tell the dealer, “sorry, here are your keys. We are just not compatible. That car has given me too much problems”; “he is always attracting too many women”; “she doesn’t like my mother”. Ah! Get with the program, please. Make up your mind. If a woman is good enough to have your children, she is good enough to marry.

OK, that was a diversion. How much sex is too much sex? Our couple were waiting for a response from all the wise men and women in the room. Suddenly, in about the same time it took you to read the above, the most elderly of the men in the room asked the question. “How much sex is too much sex”? Directed at no-one in particular, I guess the question hit everyone like a bombshell, because I saw every eye go back to the floor, and for a good while, no-one attempted to look up. Suddenly, the woman ventured a weak reply. “Well”, she said slowly, and brought all eyes back up. “I guess there is really nothing like “too much sex” if you are allowed to enjoy the process.” Again, all eyes went to the ground. There must be something on that carpet that attracts so much attention!

Many women are forgiving in other areas of a relationship, but when hurt during sexual encounters, they go for broke. They won’t say what is really biting them, because there is still that compelling need to protect the man’s ego. A wise man in a relationship needs to work more on the area of marital sex. 

This is not about using Viagra for dexterity. There is a certain gentility and finesse that conjures a loving attitude, which, if learned by both sexes, has the capacity to reduce the tensions in relationships. Sex education has been prominently omitted from the learning experiences of people, creating the majority of stress related and mental health symptoms we have in the world today. 

 

Every relationship is unique, because the people involved are unique. If you are sexually related to someone and are hoping for a lasting relationship, then you need to find out, how much sex is too much sex?

 

Yinka Dixon writes from Dublin, Ireland

autumn, winter, spring, summer - the new dawn

autumn, winter, spring, summer - the new dawn

Here's for all who stood by me in autumn.
things looked so bad, they didn't know how much...
Here's for all those who got me through winter,
hungry and lonely, they brought a gift in love...
It's for all those who came in spring
who saw a flicker, and held on to hope...

Many of these made me laugh,
looking into my court, and seeing beauty...
some came, and made me cry,
they saw withered grass, and helpless little me...
Others couldn't give a hoot,
Strolling by, a shrug, a wince, and a "what-could-i-do?"

The night's over, the dawn breaks..
This is it, folks. this is really it!
But not to die.
Winter's over, Spring is here.
This season of hope, and radiance
brings with it summer, sunshine and song!!!

Wishing you all
a happy new year...

© Yinka Dixon-Oludaiye, 31 December 2009 (2:02 GMT)
© All rights reserved. copyright intentional.
Please use freely, but do acknowledge.

We All Wear Masks

The keynote speaker at one seminar I attended made this statement - "We all wear masks". As I pondered on what possible meanings that statement might have, I realised that this is a general summation of humanity. Regardless of whom we are and at different times in our lives, we all wear masks.

What, then, is a mask? Generally speaking, a mask is a covering for the face. It is a covering for part, or all, of the face, worn to conceal a person's identity. It is a grotesque or humorous face worn at carnivals, masquerades, etc. Anything that disguises or conceals (e.g. pretence), is a mask. A person might be hurting badly, and conceal it with a great big smile - Masks! Psychologists say that if a person tells you several times during a conversation "I'm not lying", he usually is lying. Masks!Lots of people have different masks for different days, and perhaps different occasions. Masks are those things that allow us to assume that we are different from other people.

I read an article in Psychology Today titled "The Truth About Lying" written by Peter Doskoch. In it, Peter quoted a study of psychologist and lying expert Bella DePaulo, Ph.D, who had carried out research and concluded that "occasionally a person will insist that he or she can be entirely truthful for three or four weeks. But no one ever succeeds." "Everyday lies are really part of the fabric of social life," says DePaulo, a university professor. He thinks its "because people want to be accepted, and because, sometimes telling things as they actually are, can be damaging to people's hearts and relationships, so people stretch the truth a little, some more often that others." The problem arises though, when the liar starts believing that he is telling the truth. He becomes seriously deluded, while people around him, except him, can see that he is being untruthful, and perhaps, crafty. Usually, it wont be very long before the majority of people discover the masks. While some lies damage relationships and destroy trust, other fibs fulfil important interpersonal functions, like smoothing over awkward situations or protecting fragile egos.

But how often do people lie, and when do they do it? DePaulo and colleagues asked 77 college students and 70 community members to keep a diary detailing each lie THEY told. The students, it turned out, admitted to lying, an average of twice a day, while local residents lied half as often. Among the study's other findings:

* Community members lied in one-fifth of their social interactions; students, one-third.
* Lying was more common in phone calls than in face-to-face chats.
* One lie in seven was discovered--as far as the liars could tell.
* A tenth of the lies were merely exaggerations, while 60 percent were outright deceptions. Most of the rest were subtle lies, often of omission.
* More than 70 percent of liars would tell their lies again.

No one has ever succeeded in telling the absolute truth for three weeks in a row!!! What is it then, that makes lying an attraction, a possibility, or indeed, such a part (or fabric) of social interactions? Wondering about this, I asked a friend from Cork in Ireland.

Everyone operates under Maslow's general pyramid of needs. Masks, therefore, would fall under the need for social acceptance. Maslow postulated that after we are fed, watered, and housed, the need to be socially accepted becomes an urgent basic need. This means that a hungry helpless vagrant does not give a two-penny piece whether you accept him or not. He does not have two pennies to rub together (as the Irish would say). He will eat the crumbs from your table, if you're not too stingy to let any fall. He will sleep in your dog kennel, if your dog is that friendly. He couldn't give hoot who is looking or laughing, as long as he can have something (anything) in his belly, and a corridor to rest his head.

But, why is there the need to be socially accepted? Mask wearing is a social disguise, used effectively by everyone, except the hungry and the destitute. People wear masks to conceal their true identity, to conceal their true emotions, their true feelings. Some people have fixated false smiles, that look like photocopies on thier faces. The smiles are perpetual, it makes you wonder if the people are really that nice. Masks are worn to gain or secure friendships. In these, we all wear masks. Sometimes, mask wearing becomes a necessity because you dont want to tell people the truth about themselves, or yourself. In the books of society's mask wearers (who are usually pompous and arrogant), it's usually a dog eat dog world. When people become afraid to really be themselves around you, you force them to wear masks. Lots of people go to great lengths to secure social acceptance for various reasons, damaging other people's psyche, hearts, emotions and lives in the process, not caring whose ox is gored, swapping their “Jack-the-lad” mask, for giant blood-sucking “draculla” masks.

While discussing people's masks with my very close friend, Richie Dayo Johnson, here's what he said. "Well, if you ask me, I would say, let the dogs eat the dogs in their own world! Stay far away from those who want to tell you where to jump off, and keep running till you find those who will tell you where to jump on!” Even clowns and masquerades who wear masks professionally, have to take them off sometime. If you constantly find yourself around people who want to have you for breakfast, lunch and dinner, keep running, until you reach those who will applaud you. There is that, in everyone, that needs to be celebrated. Noone should be made to wear their masks perpetually.

Regardless of who is taking notes, share jokes with yourself, and laugh out loud until it hurts. Pick a time to laugh, or smile, even in public. Regularly search for something funny about yourself, and laugh at it. When someone tells a joke at your expense, see the funny side of it, and laugh. His job is to laugh at you and to expand your fault. His job is done. Find someone who can help you fix the fault, and go fix it.

Keep learning, and keep improving. Nothing we are today came to us in one day. Nothing we have learnt came to us from birth. I first heard from Dayo that we are all born with two fears – the fear of falling, and the fear from loud bangs. Every other fear we picked up along the way growing up. Everything has been learnt and progressed over time. Nobody has the power or ability to change anybody, except they feel a need, and chose to change by themselves. We are who we were made. Don't wear other people's masks. You don't know what their pain is or who they are trying to impress. A mask is worn by a masquerade - you don't know which face they have on. Enjoy the person you were made, regardless of who is watching.

Here Are Some Things You Must Avoid If You Want Your Business To Succeed

Here Are Some Things You Must Avoid If You Want Your Business To Succeed

There are a number of things you need to be aware of, and ensure never to do once you decide to go into business, if you want to succeed. You are probably aware of these if you already run a successful business. New business owners, however, need to print these tips, like a road map or navigator direction, as they may find them quite helpful.

First, you must never jump into business without doing thorough research, and having a business plan. You must know all the details about the business you are about to delve into. It is very useful to know how your finances will play out. So having a good idea of the financial details always helps. Helpful, also is your knowledge of your competition. As a matter of fact, it is only when you have done your research, and arm yourself with a business plan, that you can claim to be prepared for business. Your business plan is your real insurance and is specific to the business you are embarking on. This is your sure recipe for success. It helps provide you with a guarantee that surprises are limited or eliminated, few months down the road. As a matter of fact, when you have a business plan, if surprises do pop up (as they sometimes will), you are prepared with a back-up plan. A well written business plan makes contingency plans for emergencies and the unforeseen. Your business is like a little baby. It must be nurtured and protected from harsh environmental and adverse social conditions. You should set yourself up so that your business can operate with as little hitch as possible.

Secondly, you must never skimp on advertising. Many people feel that advertising is either too costly, or does not work, so they dont advertise. That is the typical “penny wise, pound foolish” approach. Without proper advertising, your business will be left to chance, and will never have a chance. You will be making big losses in services or product sales. It is customers that make for business success. If you're waiting for people to pass by your shop, you may be wating too long. If you rely on “word of mouth”, you are leaving things to chance. Advertising is a key factor in business success. Take for example, a new and practically unknown small business that sells women's swimming suits, and is now introducing a new product. Of course, they have a website, and so they put a big advertisement in one local newspaper. The only people that will ever get to know about these products are the residents of the “SmallTown Gazzette” locality. A better way for the company would have been to place several small adverts in several, larger newspapers. Billboards also work. Its a good idea, if your business permits it, to have a billboard advertisement which is very visible in a heavily trafficked area. These advertising options may cost more, but you will reach a larger customer base. Without reaching customers, your business will fail.

Lastly, you must never let your guard down with your business competition. It is important to keep ahead of the competition. Always pre-empt the competition. Be one step ahead. If your business has a competitor, you definitely want to be wide awake to their every move. If you run a restaurant, for example, you want to be awarre what is on the menu of the restaurant in your vicinity. You may even go there to order breakfast, lunch and dinner. If they offer sit-ins, then sit-in one day, and take-away on another day. Find out what they do and how they do it. What do they not offer that you could add to yours? Is there a large selection on the menu? What are their prices? Could your prices be less, for more? Competition is healthy. It keeps you on your toes, and ensures your customers get the very best of you. Do they offer any specials or discounts? Aim for the excellence that the best restaurant in the area is offering. Dont go looking for, and pitch yourself against the badly managed one. Customers will buy from you if they have no choice, until they discover a much better, much cheaper option, then they vote with their feet. You want to either match what is offered by the competition, or offer a slightly lower price for a much better service, and much better tasting meal. Customers love to save money, no matter how little, and love to feel important, because they really are.

Dont ever jump into any business without proper research and a business plan. Making an effort to follow the above guidelines on what you must never do in business will keep you on the right track. Your foundation for a solid business success will be created and ensured. Attend to your business as if it is one of your children. Provide what it needs to grow and you will be pleased with the outcome. Make sure that you follow these three tips and watch your business grow.