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28 November 2023
Here are the 8 New Irish candidates we found.
Many of them attended the Zoom meeting organized a few days ago, and have been interviewed by the community!
I wondered about all those people who say that it is impossible for a man to give gifts without wanting anything in return. Surely, if they think that men give gifts because they want sex, they must also think that women who give gifts to other women must be lesbians. Why must gifts be attached to sex or sexuality? I wondered what they would say when they hear that a lady gave this kind of gift. Will they now think she is a lesbian? What kind of sick thinking is that? Since when did giving (and accepting) gifts become such a lewd, sexually motivated activity? As I drove, I remembered the gifts of air tickets, money, clothes, food shopping, cars, kind words, information, ideas, time, encouragement, advice, training, coaching, mentoring, etc, that I had been privileged to give. I know I definitely am not a lesbian, or sexually attracted to every man. I remembered all the gifts I had received as well from women and men. The same kinds of things I have never been worried about giving to others. The Bible says "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you measure, it shall be measured back to you". [Luke 6:38]. “Give”, it says, and men (and women) shall give back to you in good measure. When you are a giver, it is obvious that people will be willing to give you gifts. Receiving a gift in good faith is as pleasant for the receiver, as it is pleasant for the giver.
Gifts are neither solicited nor expected. Most come as surprises and are usually willingly given for something a person may have given, done, or said which made a difference in the life of the giver. Why would anyone attach vile thoughts to such a pleasant activity? Why would anyone want to spoil the happiness expressed when a gift is offered? The bible gave an answer: “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. He is not the man/woman his mouth speaks or declares him to be; what his heart thinks which is discovered by his looks and actions, and by which he is to be judged (not by his words); Eat and drink, he says to you, but his heart is not with you; he asks you to eat and drink, but he does not desire that you should, or at least eat very sparingly; it is only a mere compliment, not a hearty welcome”. [Proverbs 23:7]. 
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| Senator Mark Deary launches Becky Magazine, 29 October 2010 |
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| Bunmi Salako, Senator Mark Deary of Green Party, Yinka Dixon, Sina Salaam |
This question came up many years ago during a conversation about marital sex.
A couple in relationship stress were with friends, when the man suddenly said “I like sex more than my wife”. All eyes stayed with him a few moments, and then, as if choreographed, all together turned to the wife. She meekly said “I can’t satisfy my husband, because he likes too much sex”. Again, as if rehearsed, all eyes looked to the floor for another few moments, before, one by one, gently, carefully, coming back up. No-one could look at either of them. No-one wanted to be accused of taking sides.
Who has been schooled enough in the area of handling marital relationships? Those with professional counselling skills know that this is the make or break point in most relationships, and needs to be handled with absolute caution. Many relationships are sick and on the verge of collapse because the protagonists in the marriage cannot speak about the real issues. Instead, counsellors are lumbered with hours of accusations that almost bother on witch-hunts, such as “he didn’t take out the bin three times in a row”; “she burnt my favourite food”. The list is endless. The real issue started hours ago, in the bedroom. Many people were brought up in a way that does not encourage talking about these issues. They get married because they claim to love each other, and proclaim their love for one another before many witnesses.
On the other hand, some people feel that they should live together first before determining if they are “right” for one another. Common Law arrangements have all the stress and problems of real marriages, without all the benefits. I always ask myself why anyone would want to go for a “Test Marriage”, especially the women. People have been conned, for too long, that marriage has no benefits, until you try it out first. So, what if you try it out, and you don’t like it? Does that erase the years you spent together as ordinary “partners”? That’s another word I like very much “partnerships” because of the business profitability angle. Do “test marriages work like “business partnerships”? A sort of “You bring, I bring: We share the profits”, kind of arrangement? If so, where is the “test” in that? After all the bible says there is “that, which every joint supplies” referring to the anatomy of the human being. Take the right arm for instance. Joined at the shoulder with the rest of the body, and at the elbow to the forearm, it is joined at the wrist to the hand, which normally has five fingers.
A business partnership assumes that each partner is good at “something”, and supplies “some degree of value” to the relationship, like our right arm. Now, imagine if the elbow says to the upper arm, “I really like you very much, but let’s just stay together for now and see if our relationship will work”. If it doesn’t work five years later, I will drop off, and you can go your own way.” Now, that would be something, wouldn’t it? Otherwise, imagine going into a brand new car showroom, and asking for a “test drive”. Five years later, three children and many photographs down the road, you abandon the car on the road, and tell the dealer, “sorry, here are your keys. We are just not compatible. That car has given me too much problems”; “he is always attracting too many women”; “she doesn’t like my mother”. Ah! Get with the program, please. Make up your mind. If a woman is good enough to have your children, she is good enough to marry.
OK, that was a diversion. How much sex is too much sex? Our couple were waiting for a response from all the wise men and women in the room. Suddenly, in about the same time it took you to read the above, the most elderly of the men in the room asked the question. “How much sex is too much sex”? Directed at no-one in particular, I guess the question hit everyone like a bombshell, because I saw every eye go back to the floor, and for a good while, no-one attempted to look up. Suddenly, the woman ventured a weak reply. “Well”, she said slowly, and brought all eyes back up. “I guess there is really nothing like “too much sex” if you are allowed to enjoy the process.” Again, all eyes went to the ground. There must be something on that carpet that attracts so much attention!
Many women are forgiving in other areas of a relationship, but when hurt during sexual encounters, they go for broke. They won’t say what is really biting them, because there is still that compelling need to protect the man’s ego. A wise man in a relationship needs to work more on the area of marital sex.
This is not about using Viagra for dexterity. There is a certain gentility and finesse that conjures a loving attitude, which, if learned by both sexes, has the capacity to reduce the tensions in relationships. Sex education has been prominently omitted from the learning experiences of people, creating the majority of stress related and mental health symptoms we have in the world today.
Every relationship is unique, because the people involved are unique. If you are sexually related to someone and are hoping for a lasting relationship, then you need to find out, how much sex is too much sex?
Yinka Dixon writes from Dublin, Ireland
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